Peanut Pakodas

Yesterday, while we were having lunch, a group of people sat right next to us. One of them had bought a plate full of pappad. Looking at it, one guy remarked of how he missed the peanut pakodas that they used to serve in our cafeteria a year back.

Oh yes, Peanut pakodas!!!

One of the vendors in the cafeteria used to cook hot pakodas during lunch and in the evening. There was always a big queue for these. It was the top selling item those days. They were crisp and crunchy. We bought them for lunch as well as a snack in the evenings. I remember I used to get a box from home, buy the pakodas just before leaving office. I would then fill the box with them and take it back home. My parents liked them as well.

Unfortunately, that vendor had to leave since his agreement was not extended by our firm. And that was the end of the Peanut Pakodas 😡

I really wish the management gets that vendor back. We miss the pakodas 💔😊

The World This Week show

Last week, my dad promptly switched to the NDTV news channel in the morning to watch the election results. I did not have much time to see what was happening. I was not even bothered who won or lost. What caught my eye was Prannoy Roy leading the discussion and Srinivasan Jain joining him.

That brought back memories of my undergraduate days in college. A bunch of us were big fans of these three people - Prannoy Roy, Rajdeep Sardesai and Srinivasan Jain. One of our favorite TV shows was "The World This Week". We had been watching the show diligently right from the first day. It was hosted by Prannoy Roy. Following the show, we started watching the NDTV programmes that were anchored by Prannoy and his team - Rajdeep, Srinivasan.

I don't know their political inclinations, but these three have been one of the best news anchors I have seen so far. They were also one of the best hosts of political debates and discussions.

They are crisp (to the point), have a great command over the language. They have a sound knowledge on the topic they discuss. They know what they are doing. I have never seen them lose their cool.

These days, the political debate shows that are aired on the TV channels have a lot of shouting, yelling. It is a big circus. But that was not the case in their shows.

Western and Indian classical music

I have heard people rave about western music, Indian classical music although I have never felt any inclination towards any of them. That does not mean I do not like them. I just don't appreciate them as much as I appreciate other forms of Indian music - Indian film and folk music.

When I was in my teens, most of my friends in school were into western music. Absolute peer pressure led me to listen to this music. I wanted to be part of the group and participate in those conversations that revolved around western music. I tried very hard and failed miserably.

My knowledge was limited to only Michael JacksonJ. Even with MJ, I had not really listened to any of his albums. I just knew he was a popular singer. That is all. That was the time when two bands were popular - Backstreet Boys and Boyzone. I must admit that I did like a few songs. I gradually heard two other names - Ricky Martin, Celine Dion (Titanic is the key here J).

I finally gave up trying to understand and appreciate this kind of music. I told myself that if this means people are not going to be friends, then so be it.

There was a different problem when I joined college. Almost all my classmates were well versed in Indian classical music. I was lost when they talked about the nuances of Carnatic music. This time, I did not even try to understand Carnatic since I was sure it would never interest me. The irony was that one of my close friend was a great Carnatic singer. She was the only Carnatic singer I could listen to. That was my limit.

Both my parents are music lovers although they come from families that have no music affinity. I think my love for music came from them. At home, you can find them singing to the tunes of their favorite film songs. We don’t have any expertise on music. We don’t understand what these mean - raga, melody, harmony, scales. We just like to listen to music!!

My childhood was spent in listening to those old Thamizh movie songs - late 60s and 70s. I remember my dad used to sing some of the old Thamizh film songs as a lullaby to me when I was a kid. My mom used to play the radio or the tape recorder all the time. Later I started listening to Hindi film songs and music albums.  

When I first listened to Thamizh folk music (Naatupura Paatu), the rich form of music amazed me. The music was so refreshing, beautiful and connected me to my roots.

Why this post on music?? A series of conversations in one of the whatsapp group reminded me of my failed attempt to like western music😉

Auto-pilot mode

I was in a training yesterday. While explaining one of the concepts, the trainer mentioned about being in auto-pilot mode.

That is when I realized that I have been in that situation many times. When I am preoccupied with thoughts, my mind switches to auto-pilot mode while I am walking or driving back home. This happens only when I am going back home through a familiar route - a route that I take often.

That way, a part of my brain knows the route very well and what to do. It controls my legs while walking or my hands while driving. I don't even register what I am doing. While this is happening, my mind wanders, I am lost in these thoughts that consume me. I am thinking through something, remembering an incident or wondering what had happened or would happen.

Before I even realize what had happened, I am at my home. I don't have any conscious thought of how I got in there. It is quite scary.

Until yesterday, I thought this was something that happens only to me. As usual, I tried to search this on the internet and found that this is actually possible. There is a scientific reasoning for this as well.

The human brain amazes me!!!!

Article - https://www.newscientist.com/article/2151137-your-autopilot-mode-is-real-now-we-know-how-the-brain-does-it/

https://www.livescience.com/6557-brain-works-autopilot.html

What if we had a different election process

The elections are over and the election results are out!! I have no preferences over the different parties in this country. All of them, no matter how they start are greedy for money and power.

It reminded me of a novel I had just read where an election is conducted to elect the future king or queen. The nominated candidates have to go through a series of tests. Only those who pass the tests can go through the voting process. Being a community where magic is involved, each candidate is injected with a little amount of compulsion that does not allow them to talk to anyone about the tests or what they did.

There are three levels of tests that every candidate has to pass -

First is the physical one - to test their endurance. This is not to test their physical strength but to test how fit they are and how much they can endure. They are given one day to live on their own in the wilderness of a forest and put through many difficulties. The bottom line is - a person leading them should be someone who is physically fit and be able to take care of themselves.

The second one is a mental test - the candidate is pulled into a dream where the his or her's worst fears come to life. How one handles those situations is put to test.

The third one is the most critical one - a simple question is asked - what should a person possess to truly rule the people. Many answers come to mind - integrity, wisdom, sanity. But the right answer (according to the author) is - nothing. A king or queen must possess nothing to rule because he or she has to give everything he/she has to their people. Even his/her life.

While reading this, I was wondering what would happen if we had the same tests for our chief ministers and prime minister candidates. None of them would have passed the tests.

Nevertheless, they would have found ways to bribe the organizers to get through these tests. Candidates would have been trained by parties from a young age to pass these tests just like what we do for any competition.

Phew, no wonder our country is in this state!!!

Driving to work in the city

We Indians are so bad at obeying traffic rules. Driving is a nightmare on Indian roads. Everyone wants to drive fast and reach their destination in no time. There are a few people who are good drivers. Unfortunately, they are a minority in this country.

Driving to work the last two months has given me a special appreciation for all those who drive everyday. Although I have been driving many years, driving to work everyday during the peak hours is a different experience. My dad asked me to take the car to office. Driving a two wheeler itself needs a lot of skills. If I take the car, I will reach office only in the afternoon!!

There were occasions where I had wanted to yell/slap/tear the licenses of some of the drivers. I regret not having the authority to do that. In most cases, the incident is over in a few seconds and they are already gone before I even realized what had happened.

A few incidents that happened and my mind voice (MV 😈) that refuses to keep quiet in these situations -

1) A man driving a two wheeler while holding a baby in one hand.
MV: Are you insane?? If you love your baby so much, go home and shower your love. Why are you doing it on the road.

2) A man driving a car while holding a kid who is standing in the driver's seat and trying to wiggle out of his hold
MV: Does your car have only one seat? What are you trying to do in having your kid stand in your seat?

3) Underage kid driving a two wheeler with his friends as pillion drivers
MV: Bloody idiots, in a few years, you will start driving. Why the hell do you want to do it now. First, learn how to drive your bicycle.
** They should never give license to these kids and cancel the license of their parents and even ban them from owning any vehicle.

4) Young rash drivers on their motorbike speeding past everyone. Their bike sends out this weird sound as they drive on the road
MV: If you want to get killed or get one of your body parts removed, then go ahead and do all that crazy stunts at your house. Why the hell, should I get killed, fool *#$@&.

5) Drivers horning when the signal is still red or when you go slow when there is a bus/truck/van right in front of you
MV: Idiot, don't you see that there is a vehicle in front of me. Do you want me to go and hit that vehicle. If the traffic signal turns red, it means we have to stop, fool!!!

6) Drivers actually hitting my vehicle while Iam waiting for the traffic signal to turn green or waiting for the traffic to clear
MV: If no vehicle is moving (including mine), it means that there is a problem. If you have the ability, try to jump over all the vehicles and go. Why the hell are you hitting my vehicle. ** I really yelled at them and would have slapped them if I had the time. Idiots, did not lower their car window.

7) Pedestrians walking in groups chatting and taking up more than half the road
MV: This is not your private road nor it is your house. If you want to talk, go to some place and talk. Not on the road. You do not own the road.

8) Two wheeler and four wheeler drivers talking on the phone or checking messages in one hand while driving with the other hand
MV: If that call is important, then stop your vehicle and take it. Atleast use a hands free set.

9) Women who have still not learnt how to balance, driving their two wheeler on a busy road and trying to overtake other vehicles
MV: You don't even know how to balance your two wheeler, how the hell can you overtake others. First learn the basics, then drive.

10) Drivers who drive too fast and try to overtake everyone on the road
MV: Is this your father's road or yours. You die because of your rash driving. Why should others die because of you.

11) Drivers who want to actually take the right turn in a few seconds, but still go left because that side of the road is relatively free (and vice versa).
MV: Ok, tell me, how much time are you saving in doing this - one second, two seconds??

And oh, thanks to the construction companies (that built the road) and to the government officers who approved it. I can only wonder at your intelligence in building a road that does not last for more than 2 months and where new holes appear in a few days. You don't even need to put a speed bump. The holes will take care of them.

10Km Marathon

I had written about my first marathon run in this post - My first marathon.

After that experience, I did not participate in any of the marathons. In Jan this year, the organization I work with had partnered with someone for the Skechers Performance Chennai Marathon. There were multiple emails urging the associates to participate in the marathon. How can one ignore these multiple mailers?? I told myself I will give it a shot. The incentive was that it was absolutely free. Yes, our company was sponsoring for us!!

I clicked on the Registration link and that is when I noticed that there was no 5km run. The minimum distance was 10km. Memories of that 5km run came back to me. 10km was no joke. This was the only category I could choose since the rest were all half and full marathons.

It took me two days to convince myself to do it. Finally, I went ahead and registered. After the registrations, I forgot about the whole episode until I got a mailer to get my kit. With great reluctance, I went and got my kit. They even gave me a Tshirt with my company logo printed.

Again, I did not do any preplanning for the marathon - no exercise, no morning walks. I understand the logistics of conducting the marathon in the wee hours of the day. Still, getting up so early on a weekend is something I never like to do. I had to push myself to get up that day. My parents asked me if I really wanted to go this time. I said, I cannot do this to my company - waste the money they had paid for my participation. There was no harm in trying.

Just like the last time, I was surprised to see the number of people who had turned up for this event. They had to send people in waves since a lot of them had registered for 10km. The difference between the last marathon and this one was that there were a lot of people wearing my company tshirts. Although I did not know anyone personally, it did give me a sense of kinship with all those people.

It was time for my group to move on. I took a deep breath and ran with the group. I wanted to give it my best shot. I walked, jogged, ran - alternating between these three ways of covering the distance.The first 2-3 kms was easy.

The organizers had done a great job. The roads were cleared for us, there were people for every 2-3 kms who distributed water bottles. There was people to offer medical assistance if needed. There were mobile toilets for people to use. And the best, there were volunteers shouting and encouraging people to go on.

The last 3-4 kms was very crucial. I had no energy in me at that point. Thank god, there were volunteers who were distributing glucose drinks and water. I guess everyone feels tired at that point. I drank two to three bottles. That gave me the instant energy to move on and cover the last few kilometers. There were volunteers strategically placed in the last few kms cheering participants to go on, reassuring us that we could do it and collect our medals.

I finally made it. I finished the marathon in 1 hr 34 mins 43 secs :)

They had volunteers lined up past the finishing line to present the medals to the participants who had finished the marathon.

That was followed by photo sessions. They had these huge placards where you could take a picture of yourself. We also had a company sponsored photographer. As usual there was music, free food. I took some time in just lying on the grass, stretching my muscles. And then left the place to reach home.

I got back home, had my bath, had food and then lied down to take some rest. That was when I felt - the pain in the muscles. No kidding!!! It pained like hell. I could not move my leg and was limping for almost a week.

I realized the mistakes I had made -
👉 One, participating in a marathon is no joke. One had to exercise regularly before the marathon - go for walks, do exercises to stretch your muscles. I never did that.
👉 Two, never walk for a long distance in the marathon. If you cannot run, then atleast jog. Reason - when you start walking, your muscles are not really ready to run again

I finished the marathon by sheer will power and determination. My body was just not tuned to that 10km run and there were times I just wanted to sit down and take rest. But I knew that if I did that, I will never be able to continue and cover the rest of the distance.

School and college canteen

When I was in school, I really did not frequent the school canteen much. My mom always packed my food for lunch and for the short breaks.

The school canteen was located at the far corner of a corridor in the ground floor. I still don't understand why they had chosen that location for a canteen during our times. It was not airy and spacious. They probably did not want us to stick around the canteen for a long time. I never felt comfortable going to the canteen. It seemed to be a dungeon to me.

I used to occasionally visit the canteen (which was actually very rare) to get the peppermint candies or pepsicola. I don't remember the brand that we used to buy but those candies would be rectangular shaped white candies. They were wrapped in simple paper.

Pepsicola was not a soft drink. It was kind of a freezie - made by freezing sugar water inside a long flat plastic pouch. It came in different flavors - orange, grape, cola. It was made by a local vendor. It was not hygienic - we never knew what water he used. But I never missed an opportunity to buy it. We could get one for just 50 paise.





The other times I used to visit the canteen was when they had these birthday treats. I think I would have probably gone to less than 10 such treats in my whole school life.

We had an old woman who used to bring her wooden cart everyday that had - raw mangoes cut into pieces, indian jujube (elantha pazham in thamizh), groundnuts. She was always there outside the school gate and made very good business. For some reason, I never bought from her although many students were her frequent customers.

There was another guy who used to sell ice creams in an ice cream cart. Well, that was one I never missed. I liked the chocobar and the pista ice cream stick. I have actually tried in vain to find if any other brand has those pista ice cream sticks these days.


College canteen was spacious and located in a place surrounded by trees. I never hanged out a lot in the college canteen during my under graduation. The only time we snacked on something was during the last day of our semester exams. Even then we used to go to the McRennett bakery that was situated opposite to our college and buy a cake and a vegetable puff. With 10 rupees you could get a cake (6 bucks) and puff (4 bucks).

It was a different story during post graduation. Our gang always frequented the canteen during those free hours. I remember buying parotta or chapathi. On other days, we just bought the usual snack items from the canteen.

Writing a short story

It all started two months back. I started writing a story to vent out my emotions and to put down the thoughts that were swirling in my mind. I had made a similar attempt many years back. But had lost focus after writing down a few lines.

This time it seemed the story wanted to be told - I could visualize the scenes, the characters. Writing a story in the Victorian era was a little challenging but I just could not think of any other apt setting for my story.

Giving names for the characters was a tough job. I changed the names twice. The draft version was pathetic. I had written it in a notepad and it took me several days to wrap up the story. Although I did edit it many times, I was careful not to change the plot or the climax.

After writing the story, I did not know what to do. I wanted to share what I had created with someone. I was reluctant to ask people to read it. Gathering up all my courage, I sent it to my friend H. I had to push my lazy friend to read it :) After sending her a reminder, she finally did read it and then told me she was surprised and liked it.

My confidence grew and I sent it to my other two friends - Re and Ra. I did not want to send them earlier since I knew they both were busy juggling with their family responsibilities. Still, friends would be there for you, no matter what happens. They read the whole story in a day and sent me their feedback. Well, I couldn't incorporate a lot of Re's comments. Why?? Simply because I was not that good a writer :)

H had told me "R, it is a good story. If the genre was not a romantic one, you could have sent it to all our friends."

Feeling even more confident and wanting a guy's perspective, I sent it to A after getting his confirmation that he was ok in reading a romantic story. Not getting a response from him for a week, I sent it to another friend RT after getting his confirmation. Not getting a response from him, I really did not know what to do 😔

Did they really read it? Did they read it and not like it? Did they read it but felt uncomfortable in responding to me because of the genre? After days, I could no longer stay quiet. I told myself that the worst thing that could happen was they blocking my number on their phone. Finally, debating if I was doing the right thing, I wrote to them. They were both too busy to read it although A did tell me it reminded him of Jane Austen's novels. Seriously, I wanted to strangle both of them. The whole time I was filled with anxiety on what could have happened.

When I mentioned about a story I had written to a colleague, she asked me if I had posted it on instagram or FB. She even told me that there were sites that would review and post stories, novels. Once the idea was planted, I couldn't let it go. I was excited as well as terrified.

After three to four weeks, I moved the story to a word document, edited a little and then sent it to my cousins - K and S. K responded immediately. She had read it in a few minutes and sent me her comments shortly. Very important comments. And then she popped the question - "R akka, have you thought about a title?" I had been sending the story to everyone with no title!!! It hit me then, that without a title no one would review or publish mine. In an hour, I had thought of the title. It just flashed in my mind. I wanted to hug K. I really love her. Without her I wouldn't have taken the final step.

I then edited my document one last time incorporating all her comments, made it look presentable, added a title and searched the internet for sites that were eager to take in stories of first time writers. I narrowed two sites and sent them my short story. What surprised me was how fast they were to respond. One of them told me politely that they did not think it was worthy of publishing. The other site responded saying they had published it and sent me the link. I had never expected them to respond and that too in just a few hours. I was a nobody who wrote something on a whim. Forget about the publishing, the acknowledgement was enough for me.

When I was behind my dad to read my story, he kept dodging them for days. Finally I threw up a tantrum and he had no other go but to read it. I waited calmly until he read and then looked at him for his feedback.

My dad: R, it was nice
Me: ok
My dad: The only problem was the character's names confused me. I did not know whether it was a girl or a boy.
**I couldn't help laughing.
My mom: Am telling you, you should do your MBA. You never listen
**I wondered what MBA had got to do with a short story :)

In the evening, my dad called me and said - "You know, R. I think your English is good. You should write to the "Letters to the editor" column in The Hindu newspaper. Parents will be parents :)

I sent the thank you mail to my friends - H, Ra, Re, A and RT along with the final version of my story. And guess what - A, Ra, Re read it immediately. Re and A sent me the small mistakes I had made in the story and Ra as usual sent in her love. Those guyz had the patience to read both the versions of mine - the draft and the final. That was when I realized how lucky I was to have such friends. They will always be there for me no matter what happens. Thank you guyz.

Writing the short story made me realize how much hard work and effort goes in writing stories, articles, novels. It also helped me appreciate the job of an editor, publisher.

It took me a while (almost two weeks) for the news to sink in - I actually had my first short story published. I shared it on my FB account for the whole world to see it.

Wondered why I did that after some time - was I looking for appreciation, was this a way in trying to tell everyone that I could also write and had accomplished something. I don't know. May be yes. I am just an ordinary human being at the end of the day. Still, I think I shouldn't have done it. It seems as if I was bragging about it

Nevertheless, the experience was great and I would cherish it.

That restaurant again!!!

Last week when we had a meeting with one of the teams I manage, we decided that we would go for a team lunch/dinner. I asked the leads to decide the date, venue and let me know.

Yesterday, MC (one of the leads) walked over to my desk to let me know about the plans they had made.
MC: R, we have decided to go tomorrow for lunch
Me: Oh, ok. I thought you had wanted to go next week
MC: Nope, the date did not work out for everyone. That is the reason we want to go tomorrow.
Me: Oh, ok
**I was looking at her expectantly for the venue details and hoping it was some place near the office.

MC: We want to go to Barbecue Nation that is near our office.
Me: What!! that restaurant. We go to that restaurant every time for a team lunch/dinner. In fact, we went to the one near our office a year back. Didn't we?
MC: that was Absolute Barbecue. this is Barbecue Nation (BN)
**Defeated, I said ok.

Seriously, I am still clueless on why everyone wants to go the BN restaurant. Personally, I don't have anything against them -

✓ The food is good

✓ The grill on the table is a great idea

✓ The people who serve food are friendly and take care of every request you make.

✓ The prices are reasonable

✓ You have a good spread of starters, main course and dessert for the price you pay

✓ Ideal for an official team lunch/dinner

✓If you inform them that it is someone's birthday or anniversary, they get you a nice cake

 

The first time you go, you will find the whole experience nice and unique.

But after you are there once, the novelty wears off.

It is the same menu, same taste, same decor. I should give them points for maintaining this all these years in all their restaurants.

I always feel that the whole time you spend in there, it is as if you are rushed in. They keep serving you those starters over and over again. They kind of stuff you with them. By the time you move on to the main course and the dessert, your stomach is almost full.

And all these restaurant chains have the same spread with very little variations - Barbecue, Absolute Barbecue, Coal Barbecue. What is the point in having so many dishes when one cannot sample most of them.
Second, the whole point of having a grill on the table may not be a good idea. They could just lay out the starters in the table or serve them. We could pick from them. I see a lot of food wasted when they are placed on the grills.

Two years back, for a corporate team lunch, we went to another restaurant where the spread was really good. I really liked the place. When we were done, a colleague remarked that they did not have many starters like the BN. I was surprised!!!

No wonder the BN chain is crowded every day for lunch and dinner. Patrons just flock there for their starters. Believe me, I have been to almost all the restaurants of these three chains in the city. In fact I was even taken to the same chain restaurant in Bangalore. It is a bit overdose for me.

What happened at the end - we did go to the restaurant today.

But next time, I am going to say a definite no if they choose this restaurant chain. No way, guyz!!! Am done with that place.

Bride seeing ceremony - a very old story

I was rummaging through my gmail - deleting the emails that were not valid. That is how I found this article in my drafts folder. Looked like I had written this 10 years back. Have absolutely no memory of writing this. I did not want to edit anything in this and thought it right to post it as-is. 

Note: This is an old story that was written when I was sad, frustrated and angry. It is a long one. These days I try to find humor in these things. I wrote a lighter one filled with a little humor in this post - Bride seeing ceremony - Part 1

My dad: "R, they will be here at 6.30. I hope you are ready. only 10 more minutes."
Me: "yes appa".

I just sighed. Another bride-seeing ceremony. I had just hoped this family would say yes, at least to put a stop to all these formalities. Was this the 20th or 25th family? I lost count of them.

My mom: "Go inside, will call you when they are in. Appa has already gone to the gate to fetch them." The pain in my mom's eyes, brought me to tears.

This was not just an ordeal for me but for my parents as well. I went silently to the room and adjusted the hair that had fallen on my face. I had never even thought when I was young that I would have to put up with all this nonsense. I wanted to shout at all of them and tell them to go to hell. However I had no other options now. I had to get married and in arranged marriage, this had to be done.

"My daughter works in......", I could hear my dad's voice. I just waited for my mom to call me. "R, come and don't forget to say namaskaram to them".

And then the ordeal started - the groom, his parents, both sisters and brothers in law were there. I just looked at the groom for a few seconds - he was as tensed as I was. And then I observed the rest of the family. This was one of the talents I had acquired, learnt after many such bride seeing ceremonies. I just needed a few minutes to observe the groom's family and then deduce who was the decision maker in the family - the father, mother, groom or some one else. I can very well even surmise what their decision would be. I was right most of the times.

This time, it was obvious the mother and sisters were the decision makers. One look at their eyes and I knew they had already made their decision. The mother was trying to pass the message to the father who was oblivious to all that was happening. The groom's father was chatting comfortably with my dad. The groom was sitting like a puppy, hoping his mother and sisters would approve. No way was that going to happen. Sorry, man !!! No chances there.

And then finally the groom's mother was able to convey to her husband about her decision and they left. They did not even have the courtesy to call back and let us know their decision. One part of me was happy - that guy was not strong enough to make his decision even at this age, he still depended on his mother and sisters. I don't think I could have gotten along well with him. On the other hand, I just felt sad for my mom. She knew why the groom's family was against this proposal.

I did not even remember when my mom got this skin condition. She had narrated the incident to me a few years back - when I was in my 7th standard, we had made a trip to ooty for a vacation. That was when my mom had noticed those white spots. She had immediately rushed to the skin specialist as soon as she got back home. It had spread to her palm and her leg in a few days and then stopped. My mom had been to many specialists, doctors but no one was able to treat her. Our family, friends,
relatives had all accepted her even after she had those white spots. For them she was the same person. Still they wanted her to get it cured.

At that time, I used to wonder why my mom went to doctors for treatment for something that was not going to affect her health. It was only later I understood. It was not for my mom's sake, it was for me. Ten years, my parents had been searching for a husband for me. I was not bothered about it at that time. I had concentrated on my job, worked hard and was successful in my career. I understood it now - however successful a woman is, if she was not married then she was treated differently.

Three years back, I had searched online on what this skin condition was all about, causes, treatment. And all the sites gave just one answer - it was a social disease. A disease that would not harm the person's health but would weaken them emotionally due to the social stigma. It was hard to fight this social stigma because society did not accept anyone who was different. The same society that wanted fair brides for their sons, rejected brides whose mother just had a very fair skin. That was the irony.

The grooms' parents did not even understand they were hurting people. They thought they were doing the right thing for their sons. I understood all this, but was unable to fight this evil. I managed people in my work, talked openly about what I thought, but this was beyond me.

If it was something I could buy with money, I would have worked day and night in getting it. But this was not about money. How could I convince people who just did not want to listen. It is getting harder for me everyday. Whenever someone at work invite me to their wedding with an invitation card, I get emotional. I know I should not be jealous or selfish. But it hurts a lot.

While one part of the society hurts us, another part was using this opportunity to make the most of them. Proposals kept flowing in from groom's who had health problems, who were divorced or widowed. It seemed people thought that now that I was off the shelf, I would accept any proposal.

I remembered the days when I was young studying in school or college. We did not have a lot of money those days but we had happiness at home. My parents wanted me to get a good education, to be independent, to have a great future. Those were the best days of my life. The day they started looking for a bridegroom, their dreams were all shattered. The reality hit us right on our faces.

I remembered people who would not even stay for more than 10 minutes. One look at my mom's hands and legs, the groom's family would just stop talking and would leave. Some ladies did not even want to take the flowers that my mom offered. It was offending and the worst thing that could ever happen to a mother.

The phone bell rang. "yes sir, that is my daughter. yes we are still looking for a groom....", my dad's voice cut through my thoughts. Another prospective groom. I just hope that this guy and his family were a little sensible. If they gave me a few minutes, I could even explain and show the research I had done online.

Until then, there was no end to this bride seeing ceremony. and there would be no real happiness at my home.

Green Tea

It might be a surprise but I had never had coffee or tea in my life except that one time when I had to get myself cold coffee.

I was on one of the road trips where we had decided to travel in the night to make up time. The others urged me to drink cold coffee to make sure I was awake. I was usually the official navigator when we went on trips during holidays. I don't even know if this was common or it was a role that we had created during our crazy trips. A navigator would sit in the front (next to the driver) and help the driver with the routes as well as check the speed limit to make sure the driver did not go past the limits. The other additional job was to pick up kuthu songs or those fast paced songs and play them on the ipod. Why??? To make sure the driver and the navigator don't fall asleep 😊 No illaiyaraja songs since most of them were melodies and might induce one to go to sleep. That was the first and the last coffee I had in my entire life.

Tea was a different story. The only times I had tasted tea was when I used to dip or dunk the two to three biscuits in my dad's tea cup and gobble those biscuits. I would then leave the tea for him to drink 😊

At work, I had no reason to take a coffee or tea break since I never had them. I only had plain milk once in the morning. That was all.

A year back, I read an article that talked about the benefits of green tea. Hoping that drinking green tea would help me in weight loss and keep me fit, I got my first taste of tea. I had added a generous amount of honey hoping it would make drinking green tea bearable. It was like drinking one of those liquid medicines or syrups. Well, after my first cup of green tea, I had no idea why people were always after drinking tea/coffee. Nothing great about it.

I religiously tried that every day. I got hot water and dipped one of those green tea bags and mixed that with a lot of honey to make it taste better. After a few months, I got used to the taste and was able to drink the tea without honey. These days I drink the tea (green/black) without much fanfare and with no honey.

Still, I don't think I can drink real tea or coffee. That is something I have still not got used to.

Time machine

When I was a kid, I had wanted to grow up fast, pass out of school, college and start working. I wanted to be able to make my own decisions in life, be independent. Now, when I am nearing 40 in two months, I don't want to be responsible, don't want to work. I want to go back to being that kid where life was carefree.

No wonder many stories were written, movies were made on this time machine. Am sure people might have spent time and money in researches and experiments, trying to find a way to move between certain points of time. Many times I had wished that I had a device that would help me go back to a particular event that happened in the past and have the ability to change it.

I wish I had a chance to rewrite my past. In the same way, I wish I could get a sneak peek on what the future has in store for me. That would help in planning my life. Not that I am going to stop myself from dying. I would never do that. Am not one of those insane people who wants to live indefinitely in this world. Still knowing when I would die would help in savoring the present, travel to places that I want to visit, spend more time with dear ones and of course eat all that I want.

A couple of things I wish I could go back and do -
             👉 Asked my mother to stop taking medicines for the white patches on her skin.
             👉 Asked my mother to not go through the uterus operation that she had undergone many years back. That operation was done wrongly. The doctor stitched her uterus back upside down. (we figured it out later and the doctor did not even apologize)
            👉 Asked my mother to have food that would boost her immunity. May be that way she wouldn't have had breast cancer.
           👉 Applied straight to the Physics Under Graduate course and not waste time, money and effort in preparing for the numerous engineering college entrance examinations. Seriously when I think of it now, I guess I wouldn't have liked studying engineering after all.
           👉 Spent more time with my paternal grandparents and made sure they did not make those wrong choices later in life. I wish I had talked to them and had pointed out the mistakes they were doing at that time. I really wish they had come and stayed with us until they left this world.
         👉Taken some time to think through before I made that wrong decision in my life two years back. I wish I had told my parents immediately that I did not want to go through the engagement. Would have saved us all from going through the pain, agony and sorrow.
         👉Taken back a lot of harsh or wrong words I had told my parents, family, friends. Taken back some of those things I had done without thinking twice, messages I shouldn't have sent in the first place.
    
I could go on and on and keep adding to this list!!!

If we all had the means to change our past, am sure it would have been chaotic.

And that is why life is beautiful. You need to experience the good and bad, make mistakes and learn from them. They change the way we look at things and makes one appreciate every small good thing that happens in life.

And that is how another day passes - wishing there was a way to change the past and hoping to have a glimpse of what lies in store for me in the days to come!!!

Without Electricity for 18 hours during Summer in Chennai!!

We are so attuned to the ways of living in the 20th century with all the modern gadgets that not having them functional makes it very difficult to live. Why am I even talking about all this?? Well, it is summer in Chennai. Anyone who has been to Chennai in summer especially in the month of May would know how hot the weather is at that month.

Right at 9.30pm last Saturday night, the electricity in our street went off. That meant no air conditioner. We only had the fans running (thanks to the inverter battery we have at home). I waited for the EB (Electricity Board) people to get it on in two to three hours. Still, nothing happened. I couldn't sleep the whole night. It was so stuffy and hot.

The next day (Sunday morning) we learnt the reason - one of the electric cable lines had caught fire and had burned and the wiremen wisely switched off all the electricity lines in our street.

They worked in the hot sun for hours until they fixed it up and we got the electricity up and running by Sunday evening. We used the ceiling fans wisely since we did not want to use up all the battery charge in our inverter.

I did not want to switch on my phones and laptop since they were running on very low battery charge. We sat in the plastic chairs that we had put up under the trees and read the newspapers to while away time. I was ok in living without electricity for another day except the AC. I just wanted my air conditioner to function. Without that, I can never go to sleep.

My dad was happy since he could finally watch the IPL match last night.

Favorite Books, Novels - the third part

Here is the link to Part one - Favorite Books, Novels
and Part Two - Favorite Books, Novels - the second part

About 6 years back, a random search led me to the historical romance novel genre. I read my first historical romance novel and have been reading many of them since that time.

WallFlower series by Lisa Kleypas - Lisa has been one of my favorite historical romance novel writers. I have read all her novels. I know she has written a few contemporary romance novels. I did read two of them and did not like them at all. The best of the wallflower series was "Devil in winter". No second-guesses in there. Absolutely loved it.

Julia Quinn - Second to Lisa in the historical romance genre, I liked Julia's Bridgeton series.

I have lost count of the number of historical romance novels I have read since the Wallflower series that were written by many other well-known authors. My mood turns pensive and Iam pulled into the world of the Victorian era. One has to read them to experience it.

Hunger Games novel series - This was a different genre and I was rushing to complete the whole series. I did watch the movies as well. It was nice and different. However, I guess, I do not have the patience to sit and read them a second time.

Twilight series - All I had known until I read the Twilight novel series was that vampires were bad. This novel series changed all my beliefs. I did watch the movie adaptations as well. It was different but not impressive.

Vampire Academy series - I think Richelle Mead had done a better job than Stephenie Meyer (who is the author of Twilight series). I really liked the Vampire Academy series. Although it was silly and stupid at a few places, it was better than the Twilight. I would not mind a second reading.

Memoirs of a Geisha - I don't remember how I got hold of this novel. This novel introduced me to the Japanese culture, the lives of the Geisha. It was entertaining and quite different from what I had read so far. I searched online and tried to find articles on the lifestyle and how these women live. Quite interesting.

 

Favorite Books, Novels - the second part

Here is the part one - Favorite Books, Novels

The crazy list continues....

Uncle Tom's Cabin - The book list would not be complete without this novel. When I was young, my aunt K gifted me the copy she had. No matter how many times I read, I always end up being emotional and cannot stop the tears. This is an anti-slavery novel. I had no idea that it was a very popular novel. I read later that people believed that it (I quote) - "helped lay the groundwork for the Civil War".

After this, I hardly had time to read storybooks. I had to concentrate on studies and the board exams. I started reading again after two years of college life.

Arthur Hailey - I read them not just for the plot but also for the detailed description on how various businesses or industries worked. I was amazed by how much of research had gone in writing each one of them. Some of the novels that I had read - The Final Diagnosis, Hotel, Airport, The Evening News, Overload.

Sidney Sheldon - One of my favorite novels - Master of the Game. No other comments!!

I did read some of Jeffrey Archer and Michael Crichton’s novels. However, Arthur Hailey was my favorite.

When I started working, I did not have much time to read. It was only after the first few years of working, that I really started to read again. The only difference I read them all online except Kalki’s novels.

Harry Potter series - To write a series like this needs a lot of imagination and patience. I have no idea how J.K.Rowling could pull off something like this. I did not buy even one book in print, read all of them online. I did watch all the movie adaptations as well.

Ponniyin Selvan - If someone asks me to rank novels or books I had read so far, I would rank this novel at the top. It is a historical novel written by the famous Kalki Krishnamurthy in Thamizh (my native language). I first read the English version online. I was impressed and moved by the plot that I wanted to read the original version in my native language. I remember I went to a book fair and bought all the parts of the novel in a few minutes. That was how obsessed I was. I have read it multiple times but every time I read it, I find myself drawn towards the beauty of the bygone era.

Sivagamiyin Sapatham and Parthiban Kanavu - I started looking for other novels by the great Kalki after reading Ponniyin Selvan. Since I was adamant that I would never read them online, I bought both these novels. I was disappointed with Sivagamiyin Sapatham probably because of the story. I liked Parthiban Kanavu.

Shiva Trilogy - After reading the reviews of Amish Tripathi's novels, I wanted to check them out myself. Tthat started my journey with the Shiva Trilogy. All of us know the story of Shiva and Sati(Parvathi). The intelligence of Amish in treating one of the Trimurthi's as an ordinary warrior is commendable. I loved reading these novels.

The Chronicles of Narnia - A few years back, right after watching the movie, I had tried to look up reviews that were posted online. That was when I read that it was based on a novel written by C.S. Lewis. I then got hold of the seven fantasy novels in this series and read them all.

Sudha Murthy's books - An accidental discovery in my organization's library led me to read Sudha Murthy's books. My admiration and respect for her grew as I read her books. They were all written in simple English and were short stories - Mahashweta, Dollar bahu, Gently Falls the Bakula. Wise and Otherwise is a narration of stories that were based on her life experiences. Mahashweta is close to my heart since it deals with the issue of leukoderma that my mother has been suffering all these years. One of the books that got me emotional. The other books are on my To-Do list.

Favorite Books, Novels

I have always been an avid reader. Reading books, novels were my favorite past time. I could sit for hours reading a novel unmindful of what is going on around me.

I remember that whenever I was taken to Landmark (bookstore in Chennai), with my parents or with A (who was like a little brother to me) and his family, I would often pick a book and go to a corner and start reading it. There were times when I would actually finish reading a short story while the others did the shopping.

Another childhood memory that I have is - of me quietly going to A’s study room (that had an old cupboard filled with books and novels), picking up a book from the collection and reading it. Iam pretty sure I had read all of them.

Here is the crazy list of books and novels that I had read and enjoyed so far (this is not the complete list. I might have missed many of them...) -

Enid Blyton books - No introductions needed for her J

a.) Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys – I had read 4-5 books from each of the series when I was young. Two years back, I discovered an online portal that had the complete series. Went ahead and read all the books in the series back to back. The irony was that after a few books, I was able to fairly deduce the plot of the other books.

b.) Famous Five, Secret Seven, Malory Towers, St.Clare series – read a few of them when I was in school. I had one or two of these that were gifted to me. The rest were all borrowed.

c.) Noddy – I enjoyed reading all the books of Noddy and his life in Toyland. Had quite a good collection of the Noddy books. Big Ears was a favorite of mine. I have watched the cartoon shows that were based on these books as well.

                                                                         

Archie comic books -

Set in a fictional town of Riverdale, Archie comics were stuff that I used to read for entertainment. Very light and funny.

Adventures of Tintin -

I still remember the times when I would be in awe reading the Tintin books. Loved all the characters in the book even Snowy. I still have two to three Tintin books in my cupboard. I have not read all the books in the series. I have always wanted to buy the entire set.

Tinkle - Iam a proud owner of most of these books. They are simple stories and I loved reading them. My most favorite character was Suppandi

.







Amar Chitra Katha books - They were simple stories that were easy to read. I used to like Chacha Chaudhary stories. I must admit, I did gain a little knowledge of Indian mythology from these books.

Fairy tales – I guess I ended up in reading most of the fairy tale books when I was a kid. Apart from the collection I had, A did have a very good collection. In fact, I still remember he had a big fat blue book that had so many stories.

MISHA Magazine - I do not remember the details, but all I know is that a family friend had gone and paid for a yearly subscription of MISHA (Russian Children Magazine) as a birthday gift for me and A. I think it was a monthly subscription. I absolutely loved the magazine as a kid.

 

Sherlock Holmes series - Although I had read only a few stories of this detective series when I was young, I got hold of the entire series a few years back and read all of them. I really loved the style of Arthur Conan Doyle's writing and was amazed at how he created those mysteries and how Holmes solves them. My passion for observing people and paying attention to every small detail probably was a result of reading Sherlock Holmes stories J

More in the next post..

Mutton Kheema Samosa!!

This is not a post on how to cook Mutton Kheema samosa 😁

I had heard so much about Buhari restaurant and had never been to one. I finally decided to go there a few months back for lunch. We ordered the Nattu Kozhi Biriyani and Mutton Pepper Masala. The biriyani and the Mutton masala were really good. Totally loved them!!!

While I was looking at the menu, I did see that they had Mutton Kheema samosa on their menu under "Evening snacks" column that started from 4 pm.

I had never tasted Mutton Kheema samosa and after checking that out in the menu that day, I had wanted to have them. I did read some good reviews as well.

Last week, I did get two plates of this samosa (one plate had 5 pieces) as a takeaway. The wrapper was already soaked in oil by the time I opened the parcel at home. The samosas were all oily. They tasted ok. Nothing great about them. Was disappointed with the kheema samosas.

I don't think I would want to try the samosas again. Not really worth the money 😞

An update - I was finally able to sample very good mutton samosas. There is this famous sweet shop in my native place. My mom had gone to get our favorite sweets two months back. While buying them she found that they sell mutton samosas. On a sudden impulse, she bought them. I was a little hesitant when she gave it to me.

I was surprised and glad she did that. The mutton samosas were delicious with just the right taste. They were not oily at all. I savored the taste.

Finally, I found the shop where I could buy them!!!

The big stores and the local vendors - an analogy

There have been numerous articles written about them and the differences. I remember reading a few myself.

Here is my take on the two -

Big stores - We go to buy from the big stores or supermarkets for the experience, quality and for the wide range of products. This includes the boutiques as well as the retail chain stores.

In most of the boutique stores you would find the staff (men and women) dressed immaculately and standing near vantage points. As soon as you enter the store, they would immediately accompany you until you leave the place. If you stop by a particular product, they would try their best to convince you to buy that one. I have never felt comfortable when they do that. It seems they are invading my personal space.

In the retail chain stores, you do have the staff who don't really hover on you. They are there to answer your queries and to make sure that things are in order.

In either of these stores, you don't really get to know the staff. They are just there to help you with your purchases. The moment your purchase is done, you are eager to get out.


Local vendors - The scene is different with local vendors or your next door shop keeper. It is more personal. You know each other very well (probably years). You always strike a conversation with them. It is more lively.

And if it is a street vendor, the bargaining is a normal process that happens in India. One bargains for two things - rate reduction and for getting a freebie.

Typical conversations - "oh come on, let me take this one extra fruit. I bought one kg of them. Didn't I?"  (or) "I bought the same stuff last week for xx Rs. What you are asking is too much. Give it for yy".

There are times they even add that extra fruit/vegetable/nuts to your bag. They don't ask you to fill a feedback form. They know that if you like, you will come back the next time.

Personally, I prefer these street vendors. There is so much of life in there compared to those big stores. And some of them (especially these women flower sellers) would call you bad names if you ask for the price but don't buy the item.

Still, that is life isn't it!!!!

The nungu (fruit) sellers

Two to three years back, my dad befriended a vegetable vendor on his morning walks. This guy along with his elder brother and parents sold vegetables and greens/herbs near our place.

Their day starts in the early morning when all of them get up, get the fresh vegetables and greens that they had collected from the neighborhood farms the previous day, catch a local train and then set up their wares near the pavement on the main road. After they are done selling all of them, they wind up for the day by late morning, go back home and then start preparing for the next day.

They are a very honest and hardworking family. My dad buys the greens/herbs from them every week and the nungu (palmyra fruit in english) during the summer season. They exchanged their phone numbers with my dad.

We usually call them if my mom wants any thing specific the next day. They dutifully call us back when they get that particular greens/herbs that day. When the younger brother had cut his finger one day while cutting off the nungu, my dad came home immediately, got the ointment, ice cubes from the fridge and drove back to give them to him.

Today, my dad had gone to get the nungu (yes the season has started!!) from the brothers and that is when he heard that their father was admitted to the hospital for an operation. He enquired about their father and after paying for the nungu, he gave some money to the younger brother telling him to use it for getting some fruits for his father. The younger brother refused and said he does not need anything else. My dad had then tried giving money to the elder brother. He refused as well saying that the empathy that you show to us is enough. You are always nice to us. Please don't give us money. My dad was surprised and came back home.

Those two brothers don't have much money. What they earn everyday is very little compared to what most of us earn. They don't have much in terms of savings. But still, they had self respect to say no to the money that was given for free. I was really happy and proud of them.

Well, inspite of were the world is heading to, there are some good people around.

Pictures of nungu -

 

Mangoes

In spite of the blazing sun, I await the summer season every year for the mangoes. Although
I love eating other fruits, mangoes are and will always be my all time favorites. No wonder
they are called king of fruits.

There are two types - the raw mango and the mango fruit. The raw mangoes are used
in making mango pickle and mango rice.

Some of my favorite options on how to enjoy eating the mangoes -

a.) Mango milkshake - just love the one my mom makes. The secret - always add tiny chunks
of mangoes in the shake.

b.) Mango juice - made of fresh mangoes. My mom makes some kind of a jam and then stores
them in steel containers or glass bottles. Whenever you feel like having the juice, just
add two to three teaspoons of the jam, mix it with water.

c.) Fruitsalad - add in other fruits but more of mangoes and then add in ice cream as well.
I prefer these two ice cream flavors - butterscotch (time and tested and always goes well
with fruitsalad) and chocolate (another favorite flavor of mine). And when no one is
looking, you can even add scoops of both the flavors and mix them with the fruits.

d.) Mango ice cream - my mom used to make this one at home. These days we just buy the
family packs. My all time favorite is the mango duet. Although I prefer Amul ice creams to
Kwality Walls, when it comes to Mango Zap it is a different story. Raspberry is the other
flavor they have. But Mango is better than that.

e.) And finally the best option - just peel, slice and eat them as a whole. No juice, shake
or ice cream can even match having the mangoes as a whole. Much more better if you have a
whole fruit to yourself.

There are many varieties of mangoes. Am not an expert on them. But I do have a few
favorites - Banganapalli, Senthoora, Neelam.

The season has started this year and I have already started devouring them without any
inhibitions.

Happy mango season 👍

Bride seeing ceremony - Part 1

This is my experience of the bride seeing ceremony. This is a must for any arranged marriage.

A typical scene - me inside the room sitting patiently trying to overhear the conversation that is happening in the drawing room between my parents and the entourage from the bride groom's side.

After the initial greeting, they decide that it is time for me to show up. As soon as Iam called by one of my parents, I take one last look at myself in the mirror to make sure that I don't look bad.

My parents instruct me to say a "vanakkam" by folding my hands to the people who had come. They say that people would like to see me doing that. It seems so stupid and it amuses me to know that we still want to stick on to these traditions even in this age. It looks so artificial.

Scene 1 -
All conversations come to a stop when I make my grand entrance. All eyes are on me and one of them (usually one of the female relation) asks me to sit down strategically opposite the bride groom for him to have a good look at me.

They all look at me from head to toe making sure that my eyes, ears, mouth, hands and legs are all functional.

Some of them are polite and courteous and introduce the members of the group. There is one person who is assigned as the speaker (again it is usually a female relative). Here is a typical conversation that happens most of the times.

Female relative (FG): that is the bride groom
Me: ok
My mind voice (MV): I know. He is the one who is discreetly looking at me now.

FG: So, where did you do your college
Me: MCW (I tell the name of the college)
MV: there you go. my interview starts.

FG: You did both your UG and PG there
Me: yes
MV: no comments. arre, RS, she might ask the year you passed out as well. you do recollect them right.

FG: What time do you go to office and come back
Me: I try to leave home by 8.30 to 9.30 am and then reach back by 6-7.30 pm these days.
MV: seriously, my own manager has never asked me these questions during appraisal

FG: oh, good. very good. XYZ (the bride groom's name) usually goes early to office and comes very late. He has late night calls and is a very important person in the office.

FG (looks at everyone): these days people working in IT firms make people work long hours. Good that she is able to come home early.
** she implies that any wife should come home early to do the house work.

Me: oh
My dad pitches in: she comes home early and takes late night calls. You see most of her customers are based out of USA and it is morning time for them
MV: grrrhhh. how many times have I told appa not to give in these details. So will they reject the proposal if I come late. why is it that XYZ coming late implies he is a hard working and intelligent person and me coming late is bad.

FG: do you work on weekends
Me: not really. sometimes I do.
MV: thought so. I was sure this would be the next qn. it really seems to be an HR interview

FG: how do you travel
Me: it varies - I take a train, bus or cab
MV: why is no one asking the bridegroom how he travels.

FG: do you know how to cook.
Me: (my parents are hoping and praying I would say yes) yes. I cook when my mom is not in town. I have cooked for 4-5 people when I was at onsite for close to an year. I can if I want to.
MV: what will they do if I had said no. should try that once.
***My parents say a word of thanks to the lord almighty for making sure that I had answered this question right.

FG: what is your height and weight
Me: (looking at my dad, I recite my height and weight to them and then look at my dad to make sure I have the figures right)
MV: phew, that was so close. why do they not read the details from my biodata. Would have saved me the trouble of remembering them.
** *My dad is relieved I got this one right. Usually I get the figures wrong. I am bad at remembering numbers. In fact before every such episode, he makes me go through these numbers once repeatedly telling me not to screw this question.

And the questions go on and on.

More details to follow in Part 2