An old movie and my thoughts on feminism

I watched an old Thamizh movie two days back. I had often heard the songs of that movie and wanted to see the whole movie. It was probably made in the 80's. The story plot was about a widow's life. The heroine's husband passes away within a week of getting married. She then moves on with her inlaws. She befriends a neighbour who is a writer. He falls in love with her and assumes that she reciprocates the same. Everyone assumes that they would make a nice pair and urges him to marry her. At the end, during a trip, he puts on the kumkum on her forehead and she slaps him. According to the Indian tradition, only the man who is the husband or the intended husband can put on the kumkum in the forehead of a woman.

I think she had all rights to slap him. The man should have asked her for her consent before doing that even if he had good intentions. I had no problems with that.

The scene that followed it and the dialogues were what irritated me. When her father in law asks her what is the problem, she says that a man who was not her husband touched her. When her father in law questions her that she had touched him as well while slapping him, she immediately takes a log of wood that was in the fire and burns the place in the forehead where he had put in the kumkum. She goes on to explain that her husband is blah.. blah and that every blood, vein in her body is only her husband's property... blah.. blah..

And then the writer applauds her for her virtuousness and then leaves.

Man, it was so pathetic. I cursed myself for watching that movie. It mirrors the Indian sentiments. I don't say it is wrong for her to stay the same way if that is what she wants. If she does not want anyone in her life anymore, then that is her personal decision. But to say that touching anyone else is sacrilegious is so wrong. That is too extreme.

This shows the Indian sentiments. Why cannot a person walk out of a marriage and then fall in love with someone else. Why cannot a woman be more open on her desires?

I hope they don't make such movies these days and have moved on as a society.

Mushroom is a non vegetarian food but pastries or chocolates made of eggs is a vegetarian food!!!

One of my colleagues is a strict vegetarian since she is from a Thamizh Brahmin family. She just can't stand the smell of non vegetarian food items.

I was surprised when she would not touch mushrooms. When I had asked her, she told me that their community does not consider mushrooms to be a vegetarian food item. I tried to explain to her that mushroom is a plant and not an animal. She explained to me that she understood that mushroom is a plant, but the principles that were instilled in her from an early age would not allow her mind to consider it as a plant.

The same day, she had picked up the pastries (that contained egg as an ingredient) and was happily eating them. I asked her if she was ok in having pastries that had eggs since egg is not a vegetarian food item. She said she does not mind that. She has no problem in having pastries, chocolates that have egg as an ingredient.

I was puzzled. It did not sound logical to me.

I then noticed that this was the case with most of the people from the Brahmin community. They will not touch mushrooms, but they would have egg based food items. I know of some folks who used to have whole eggs to make sure that they have enough protein and calcium in their body.

On the other hand, when I had decided to forego non veg for almost 2 years, I used to check the ingredients of the chocolates I had. I wouldn't eat the ones that had eggs as ingredients.

Today, we both had an interesting conversation -

U: R, I wanted to tell you something. Today I was about to distribute the chocolates that H had got from onsite to the team

Me: Ok.

U: That was when H told me that one box of chocolates had rum as an ingredient.

Me: Oh. What is wrong with that?

U (with disbelief) : You are asking me what is wrong? How can I give that to the team and the girls in particular?  I asked him to take it back.

Me: What is there in that. Give it to them and tell them. Let them decide if they want it or don't want it.

U: No. That is wrong.

Me: U, you like plum cakes right?

U: Yes. I like them.

Me: do you know that one of the ingredients they add in the plum cake is "rum"?

U: No, I don't. I never read the ingredients in any item that I buy

Me: Ok, but most of them have it. I don't see any difference between the plum cake that has "rum" and these chocolates.

U: Plum cake is fine. But these chocolate are not right to eat.

I rest my case!!!!!

I couldn't help smile at that - this community follow a strict vegetarian life style. Eating anything else is considered sinful. But the whole concept can be overlooked if an individual likes to eat a certain food item!!!

Solving the Rubik's cube

My cousin Si had bought the Rubik cube for himself two years back. While he was packing his stuff before leaving, my mom noticed it and asked him about it. He asked her to keep it with her knowing very well that she would love to work on it.

After he left, my mom used to pick it up and try to solve it patiently whenever she had some free time to do that. She was able to place at least 7 or 8 cubes of same color near by but never able to place the 9 cubes. I used to tease her and ask her to just swap the stickers with the colors she needed 😀.

I even told her that there was a problem with the way it was manufactured since it was just not possible to solve it with the way the cubes were placed.

Finally two days back, she solved it. She was so excited and proud of it. Me and my dad were happy for her and took out the chocolates to celebrate it.

I sent in the picture to my cousins Si and K telling them that their periamma had finally solved the Rubik cube. They were glad for her.

K immediately sent me a photo of the Rubik cube that she had finished today by coincidence.

Aunt and niece do have a lot in common!!!

My tryst with the Japanese language

When I was doing my post graduation, we knew of a small IT firm that had hired our seniors in college. Majority of their customers where from Japan. It was mandatory that anyone who was hired by them had to learn Japanese language since that would aid in the projects they do.

We got to know that if one already knew Japanese, then chances of being hired by this IT firm was very high. One of my friend had already finished few levels at the institution that taught Japanese. Eager to get a job, I immediately enrolled for Japanese language classes in an institute. I got books for the first level and was asked to attend the classes in the weekend. 

I have some vague memories of my first few days at these classes. Remembering the vowels, the symbols that were used was really tough. I tried very hard to understand and remember what was taught in the classes. Let us just say that they went over my head. I remember reading out aloud and repeating what the instructor taught us in the class.

I asked myself if this is what I really want. It was going nowhere. I had no interest (apart from the fact that it would get me a job) and I had a hard time remembering the grammar. Finally I decided that I was just wasting time and I am never going to learn anything. I went back and told the institute that I was quitting. Although they tried to convince me, I had already made up my mind. I returned the books they had given me and they gave back some part of the fees I had paid initially. 

And that is how I had bid good bye to the Japanese language. The language was over whelming for me. At the same time it was interesting and was different. I wish I had the patience to learn that language.

I had lasted just two weekends!!!! 😄😄

Adopting a child

Many years back, when I got myself mentally prepared for marriage (that is when my parents were looking for suitable bride grooms for me), I was scared about giving birth to the child. The physical pain and the uncertainty of what I would have to go through scared me.

Later, as I reached 30s, I yearned for a child. I wanted to experience motherhood and go through the whole process. I had no idea what these words meant - trimester, epidural. I understood the concept. That is all I knew.

In one of the serious conversations that me and H had, we discussed about motherhood. While having the conversation, we touched upon the topic of adoption. H told me "R, you don't have to give birth to a child to experience motherhood. That feeling would come in naturally to a woman. It does not matter if the child is your own flesh and blood or an adopted child". It took me some time to understand the meaning of what she said. She told me of her friend who had adopted a child and went on to say that her friend did not feel different just because that child was not her own.

Well, we discussed in length that day about motherhood. We both yearned to settle down in life and experience that phase.

Unfortunately, till date we are both single women, still trying to get married. The yearning for bearing a child has only grown stronger in the last few years.

A few months back, I happened to come across an interview by an actor. She had adopted two girl children while being a spinster. She talked in length about the legal issues she had to face, the time she spent in making the decision and how it changed her world. I was envious of her. The courage and the strength she had in making that decision was commendable. The question was, can I do that. What if I remain a spinster the whole of my life. Too many questions that were not easy to answer.

Yesterday, R had shared a post on how a man who was single and under the age of 30, adopted a child in Mumbai. The story talked about the challenges he faced, what he went through and how happy he is with the child. It was a beautiful story. A story that needs to be talked about and told many times.

Going to the movies alone

A few days back when I had told a friend that I go to theater to watch movies by myself, he was surprised. Apparently, he did not know that people do go to the theaters on their own. When you go out with a group, you rarely take notice of anyone outside your circle. People only see what they want to see.

It all started with my friend H a few years back. We were having this conversation one day when she asked me if I am interested in going for a movie. She had not been to a theater for years. I was in for it but tickets were available only for the morning show. Let us just say I don't usually look forward to getting up early on weekends. When I called her to ask if we can do it some other day, she had already booked tickets for herself for two back to back movies in the same mall.

I was shocked, surprised. It was an idea that had never crossed my mind. So far, I had only gone out with families and friends. Never done it alone. I couldn't let her go alone. How would she fit in with a crowd full of people whom she did not know?? I asked her to book a ticket for me as well. And yeah for just the first movie. I was sure I wouldn't be able to watch two movies back to back. 

We were very sure that we could ask someone to exchange seats at the theater. Boy, I was in for a surprise. No one was ready to move and there I sat two rows in front of her watching a movie all by myself. It just felt strange. I did not feel uncomfortable at all. 

After the show, she talked me into coming in for the next movie and we got the tickets at the theater. It was crazy. While she sat in the back, I got one in the front in between two men. Again, I had no reason to worry. No bad experience. Did not trouble me at all.

I had thought it was a one time experience. After a few months, H had gone ahead for a movie on her own. She told me that since it was a weekday, she was sure I wouldn't want to go. 

That is when I asked myself, when she can go, why can't I go. The first time I booked and went on my own, I was nervous. At least H was in that theater the last time sitting a few rows away. This time, I was just on my own. Then I realized, people don't really care about you. They are all in their own world. I also noticed that there were a lot of people - men and women who just come in alone to watch the movies. It was a great experience. Who said you cannot have fun on your own.

Having said that I don't just go to any movie or any show. Nothing against the people, but I only go to watch Hollywood movies. I am comfortable with the crowd there. No generalizations but that is what I feel. I go only to the day shows and book the tickets only in good theaters.

I have had fun in doing this and it has been a good experience until now. H, as usual was my inspiration. That girl is unbelievable!!!!

Fast and Furious - Hobbs and Shaw - movie review

I like the Fast and Furious series. That is why I had wanted to watch this one in the theater. I booked it after a month it was released in the theaters.

The movie had nothing to do with the usual Fast and Furious series. The car sequences that the series is famous for was missing. They had just one sequence in the climax. That was all. It was just another action flick.

The story line was the usual one - nothing great about it. How many movies have the same plot - saving the world by stopping a deadly virus created by some scientist from ending up in the wrong hands. With the action, they have thrown in some family sentiments - Hobbs with his family and daughter, Shaw with his mother and sister.

I was really disappointed with Statham. Have seen his action movies and had really liked him. He was one of the reasons I had wanted to go and watch this movie. Wondering why he took up this role. He was better than this. Agree with what Hobbs says in the movie- "You have a voice like one of those Harry potter characters".

I did not understand why they had made it a 3D movie. It seemed that they did that just to sell tickets at a higher rate. Had nothing in the movie that really needed a 3D effect. It was actually an overkill.

Having said that, it was a good time pass. Worth watching it once if one wants to just enjoy a good action fast paced movie. And of course, Jason Statham and Dwayne.

Dance performance by kids

A colleague had invited me to a dance performance last weekend. Her two daughters were learning classical dance and this was the salangai poojai function. I have only heard of arangetram functions. This was the first time I heard of a salangai pooja. I later learnt that this is done before the arangetram.

The one I had been to was performed by six young girls. It was a good performance. I completely enjoyed watching them perform. It was amusing to watch the little ones perform. They missed a few steps, one kept adjusting her jewellery (i guess she was scared that it might fall off). They looked at each other to make sure they were not missing the steps. There was just one girl who danced perfectly. After sometime, I watched just her dance. She was really good.

The little ones were all dressed in bright orange, red dance outfits that looked really good. Enjoyed myself after a very long time. I guess I made the right decision in accepting the invite for this function.

Family pictures on banners and posters in public space

Until a few years back, there were just three categorizes of posters/banners that were put up on the roads -
🔸Political banners and posters - political party symbols or pictures of party leaders
🔸Film banners - posters of films, film actors
🔸Advertisements - advertisements of business firms, advertisements for upcoming events like circus, fairs, shows.

These days, people have started to congratulate or to wish someone they know in public spaces.

Yesterday, while I was driving to the office, I noticed a banner put up on one of the roads that I usually take. It was a banner for an upcoming wedding. It had a photo of the bride groom and the bride with wishes from a group of friends. It was put up on the road (probably near to the area where one of them lived).

This kind of public display of important personal family events has been on the rise in the last few years. I have seen banners and posters put up by people to commemorate birthdays, weddings, child birth, death anniversaries.

It is quite ridiculous. Why would someone want to share something that is personal in public spaces. Do people really feel happy and on top of the world when they see their own picture on public display?? Jeez!! That is so awkward!

My guess is that someone started this trend and then everyone followed because they thought this was cool, they did not want to lose their prestige and wanted to show that they had the money to do it. And that is how the cycle goes on and on.

Monopoly board game - memories

When I was searching one of the popular online shopping site for something that I had wanted to buy, it showed up a few indoor board games for children in the home page.

I found "Monopoly" board game as one of the items that showed in the list. It seemed similar to the game we used to play as kids - Business.  A little more research and I found that Business (the game we played when we were kids) and Monopoly were quite similar.

I remembered an incident that happened when we were playing this game. Me and A (who was like a little brother to me) were two of the players. The rest were made up of the elders in the family (who were usually free at that time). Me and A played the game very differently.

I was always cautious in buying a house or any other property and getting a bank loan. I did not like to spend more than what I had. I saved the game money and never took risks. On the other hand, A used to take risks. He never bothered if he had no money left or had to take huge loans from others or the bank. He just bought properties left and right.

R uncle who was A's father remarked one day after watching both of us play. He told us that A was just like him and I was just like my dad (who was uncle R's friend). I did not understand what he was saying at that time.

Today, when I reflect back on what happened, I realize that he was right in his observation. I work for a firm now and just like my dad never take any financial risks. I like to save all the money I make for my future. Whereas A is a successful business man.

It seems that the way we both played that game reflected our real life personalities. 

Eternal love between Shiva and Sati/Daksha

Of all the love stories I have read or heard so far, there is only one that has stood out - the eternal love between Shiva and Sati.

This one intrigues me because this is between two completely different personalities, who come from different backgrounds, lifestyles.

Iam not even getting into religion or the fact that they are supposed to be god/goddess in the Hindu mythology. Iam just looking at them as two individuals.

Sati was a princess, she was born and brought up in a royal household that had all the luxuries in life. On the other hand, Shiva led a life of an ascetic. His abode was the Mount Kailash which was an extremely cold and rugged place. He was also presumed to live in the graveyards.

Sati was fair and beautiful. She was a princess and dressed like one. She probably wore beautiful dresses and adorned ornaments made of precious metals and stones. Shiva is always seen wearing a tiger skin and adorning a snake around his neck. His whole body is smeared in ashes, his hair matted. Rudraksha beads are the only ornaments he wears on his body.

In spite of these differences, Sati fell in love with Shiva and grew up to be his ardent devotee. She put herself through several trials, tribulations and spent many years in meditation to please him. Shiva was pleased with her devotion and love. He fell madly in love with her and married her.

Her father, Dakshak was against the marriage since Shiva was not the husband he wanted for his daughter. He lived a yogi's life and was not a suitable match for her. They still went ahead and got married.

The tale does not end there. Sati could not tolerate the insult meted out to her husband and ended her life since she could not take it anymore. And Shiva flew into a rage when he heard of her death. It is said that he destroyed everything and everyone there. He was grief stricken and carried her body on his shoulder until Vishnu cut her body into many pieces.





A definite tale of rebellious, intense and passionate love between two contrasting personalities.

Trust – the powerful word

Trust is the foundation for any relationship, be it personal or professional. It is necessary for a relationship to survive and last longer.

Trust is the necessary glue for a successful marriage. It is the tie that binds two individuals in a relationship. Suspicions, misunderstandings and arguments surface when the level of trust comes down.

Likewise, trust in friendship is not just important, it is essential. When you are ready to share your happiness, grief, fear, secrets with another person who is not related to you, trust plays a major role.

I remember this quote – When you completely trust a person without any doubt, you will automatically receive one of the two things – a friend for life or a lesson for life. True, indeed.

This holds true in a professional relationship as well – you need to trust your colleagues, your team, and your manager. The client needs to trust your firm and your team in doing business. If your client loses trust on you – everything you do will be looked upon suspicion. They will ask for data, metrics as a proof of anything you say. Any problem you cause will be escalated immediately.

Trust and loyalty play an important part in the defense or armed forces. Just imagine what would happen if a soldier in an army does not trust his or her colleagues.

Building trust is not that easy. It is a slow process, takes a great deal of time and effort to get there. As one starts slowing trusting another person, they will confide and believe what the other person says. They would count on that person for being there for them. Which is good as well as bad depending on the character of that person.

Having said that, it just takes a few minutes or seconds to break a trust. When that happens, the whole relationship crumbles. The other person would always doubt one's intentions and be suspicious of all activities. Rebuilding that trust needs more commitment, honesty, patience and time.

Groceries for the dead person or for the priest??

A week after my uncle's death, my dad was asked to perform the last rituals for him. The priest my cousins had arranged did not turn up on the D day. After many failed attempts in trying to reach him, my brother in law was able to get hold of another priest from a nearby temple. He came in with his helper and finished the ceremony in record time skipping most of the rituals.

No one complained since he was called in a hurry and did what best he could do in a short span of time.  

Since we had skipped some of the main rituals, we decided we would have to do a second one for my uncle at our home after a few days. My parents had immediately reached out to someone who could help with this. He provided the contact number of the priest who usually performed the ceremony. After consenting to perform the rituals, he came in to our place to share the list of items he needed for the ceremony. That is when the fun started. 

The items that was actually needed for the ceremony was a very small list (that was not that expensive as well).

On the other hand, the list he had made of items that had to be given to him as dhanam (offering) was a long one (around 45+ items) - 

• Around 11 vegetables (he crossed snake gourd from the list saying his wife does not usually cook them), 3 varieties of greens
• The usual varieties of fruits
• One veshti and mundu (he was specific of the brand, the length, the color and the design)
• One towel (again he was specific about the brand name)
• Ghee, butter, milk, honey
• Spices (atleast 4-5 varieties)
• Masala powders (sambhar, rasam, masala...)  
• Rice (5Kgs), different types of pulses (1Kg each), chillies, tamarind, salt (1Kg)
• Flour (wheat and rice)

He was very particular about the brands for each item except the vegetables and fruits😄

A whole two month grocery items, vegetables, fruits for his house.

I wondered why he did not include - soap, brush, toothpaste, washing powders, shampoo and other essentials to the list. That would have completed his shopping for the month.

It was so ridiculous that someone would ask these things with no inhibitions. If he does one ceremony per month, his groceries for that month would be taken care of. What was more surprising was that he insisted on not just the items but the brand names for almost all of them. And they were all top brands!!!

Guess what was the big question here - he does not give a receipt or bill for the money he takes for these rituals. In fact, none of them do so. 

No priest gives receipts or bills for the puja they do at anyone's house or for the ceremonies they conduct. 

Err, is this not income. Shouldn't they be paying income tax for this?? Most of them have a lot of money.

What happened finally - before my parents went out to purchase all the items in the list, my cousin called to say that they wanted to perform the rites in Kasi. We had to call him and cancel the whole thing.

Breakfast without mom at home

Before leaving to her parent's place yesterday, my mom was giving me and my dad last minute instructions on a few things - what clothes she has packed for us to bring, what rice batter could be used for cooking dosa and what could be used for cooking idly to name a few. She was excited and happy that she would be staying with her parents for a full week.

I had got up a little early to prepare the breakfast and pack lunch since she was not at home. She had already made two curries and had put them in the fridge.

I had made dosa for myself this morning and was planning to sit down to have my breakfast when I forgot about the curries. I quickly took the podi jar and the oil. That is when I noticed that there was not much oil in there to use. I decided to call my mom.

Me: Amma, for the molaga podi (idly podi), what oil should I take. The oil in the container is very less.

My mom told me where is it.

Me: Wait. Don't hang up on the phone. Let me go and check it.
** I was able to locate the jar with the instructions she had given.
Me: Ok, I got it.

My mom: By the way, why are you taking the podi. I had made the curry for today and have kept it in the fridge right.

Me: Oh, is it. Ok.

My mom: Why is it that you and your dad never pay attention to what I tell you. 

I quickly said good bye to her and cut the line before she could finish her ramblings.

I sat down to have my breakfast when I noticed my dad took a seat in the sofa and was about to pick up the newspaper.

Me: Appa, make two dosas for you. There is some rice as well. Do you need anything else?

My dad:  Ok. No, that is fine. Now you eat and leave. It is already 9 am.

Me: Fine. Do you want me to make dosa for you.

My dad: R, I have had experience in making dosa even before you were born in this world. I know how to make. You eat your breakfast and leave.

Me: Just remember one thing. Amma has told me to put oil on the batter and not on the sides. If you burn the pan, I will point the finger at you. You will then have to face her wrath.

My dad (exasperated): I know everything about pan and oil and dosa.

Knowing that I would not leave him in peace, he went to the kitchen to make his own breakfast. He poured the batter on the pan and was putting the oil when I peeped in the kitchen out of curiosity.

Me: Appa, that is too much oil. I would have used that oil for making 2 dosas.

My dad: R, I know how much to put. You go and have your breakfast.

Me: Let me cook them for you. Give it to me pa. Otherwise you will burn the pan and get nicely from amma.

My dad was so angry with me and decided that giving it to me was better than standing there and hearing me talking. 

I finally made the dosas for him and then sat down peacefully to eat my own. I guess I do have my mother's genes after all 😊😉😆

Filing tax returns and advance taxes

The filing of returns for my income tax is done for this financial year and we received a message acknowledging that from the income tax department.

I have never really understood finance terms. Sometimes I search on the internet to really understand if debit means taking money out or putting money into one's account. Yeah, that is how bad I am. I had one paper on commerce/financials in my under graduation. I had sat through the classes without really understanding the concepts. They just flew off my head. Before the exams, I marched off to my friend S's place to get her help. She was doing her commerce graduation and I hoped she would help me to pass that paper. I ended up studying very little that day. The time was spent in catching up on what was happening in our life and having those delicious fish cutlets her mom had made ??.I did pass that paper that semester.

Cutting back to the present - every year a month before the returns have to be filed, my dad keeps reminding me to let him know when I receive the Form16. I start looking out for that email from the finance team with the Forms16 subject. When I get it, I download and take a print out and give it to my dad. We then connect with my auditor to get the returns filed.

What I did not understand was why is this such a complicated affair. Why can't they have a system where if a person feeds the income, savings and all details, it just computes and tells what the tax amount is. Bingo!!! All the individual has to do is take a copy and pay the tax. It should be that simple for people with just one income or who are salaried employees. The income tax department will then need to validate the savings and income that was submitted.

On the other hand, the system is really complicated. Almost everyone needs an auditor to help them in filing their tax returns.

The other part I did not understand was the concept of advance taxes. As a layman, all I understand is if I am able to predict what might be my earnings for that financial year, then I can pay an advance tax. Great concept.

Why the hell do we have penalties for not paying something in advance. I mean what if I have a sudden cash flow that I did not anticipate. Why should I be penalized for not paying the tax for that in advance? What kind of logic is that.

And shouldn't advance tax be just an option and not made mandatory. In fact, people paying advance tax should be given brownie points because they are paying well in advance.

Phew, I can never understand why some of these policies have been formulated. It should be simple for an ordinary citizen.

Friendship between Krishna and Sudama

I had wanted to write about the friendship between Krishna and Sudama for a very long time. Today seemed to be the right day to do so.

The friendship between Krishna and Sudama is widely known to everyone. Here is the short version - They were childhood friends who lost in touch after their education. Krishna went on to be the prince of the Mathura kingdom while Sudama was an impoverished villager. When Sudama was pushed towards extreme poverty, his wife prods him to meet his friend and ask for help. With great trepidation, Sudama visits Krishna but does not tell him the reason. Krishna understands his friend's situation and gifts him with money and wealth.

Krishna is praised for his generosity and the respect, love he had for his friend in spite of their social differences. This is what all stories talk about. I am not going to debate on whether Krishna was truly god's incarnation or if this story was really true. This post is not about that.

From Krishna's view, he had never forgotten his childhood friend and helped him when he was in need.

What about Sudama? The epic describes the meeting - Sudama feels uncomfortable and actually leaves after exchanging pleasantries, never asking for help. When he realizes the amount of wealth Krishna has, he even tries to hide the rice that his wife had packed to present to his friend.. How awkward he must have felt in front of his friend and how much of self esteem and respect he must have had in not asking his friend for help in spite of his grave situation.

Sudama would forever be in gratitude of Krishna. No questions about that. But was their equality in that friendship? How would he have felt while living in the wealth that was gifted to him by his friend.

Real and true friendship can only exist between two individuals who are equal. I might sound like a cynic here. However that is the truth. There cannot be friendship between two individuals when one feels he/she is indebted to the other person, worships the person or feels intimidated by the other person.

That does not mean they should not help each other at all or their cannot be any financial or social inequalities. Of course, there will be differences and inequalities. No two people are alike. There will be times when they would reach out to each other for help. The question is to what extent should this be so as to not tip the balance in the relationship.

Would Sudama have had the courage to point out to Krishna whenever he was wrong or made a mistake? Does he even understand Krishna's political views. Can Krishna sit and discuss with Sudama about the Pandavas and Kauravas, political allies, war arrangements. The answer is no. Sudama will always feel indebted to Krishna and would praise him, love him, his whole life. But that is all he can do.

This was very well written in the novel - Parthiban Kanavu (by Kalki). The friendship between a prince and his army general. On the battlefield, away from home they were great friends. When the war ends and they return to their homeland, their responsibilities and life styles are very different. Although they continue to be good friends, they realize that the bond they had in the battlefield had weakened.

When the differences become too big, this is bound to happen. One of them will always want to help the other person while the other person would start feeling inferior to his/her friend. The bond would slowly fade as time flies by.

On the other hand if the differences are not that huge and each one is independent and self reliant, then they would be equal. They would share their ups and downs in life, help each other, argue when they have difference in opinions. There will always be a give and take.

That is real friendship!!!

Chocolates and candies of my childhood

While I was writing the post about Birthdays, I tried to remember the names of the chocolates and candies that I would munch on when I was a kid. I remembered their names (how could I forget them. they are so important). Unfortunately, I did not have pictures of them. Thanks to some of the internet sites that had the pictures of these wrappers, I was able to get them. Memories flood me and I wish I could get a hand on them right now 😊

Some of my favorites - 

** When I was introduced to Snickers, I wondered what was so great about it. I preferred the 5 star and Bar One compared to the Snickers. In fact, although I love chocolates, Snickers was not something I liked.

Toffees -

There was one more that I remember - Relish. Unfortunately, I was not able to pull that photo from the internet.

And then..

 Aside from these, the local Lollipops were another favorite of mine.

I wish I could grab one of these right now 😋😋😋

Birthdays

When you reach the age of 40, birthdays no longer excite you. I remember when I was a young kid, I would be waiting eagerly for my birthday. That was the day I got to wear a new dress to school (if it fell on a weekday) and not the boring school uniform.

There would be a cake cutting at home and one at school. My parents would have already got one or two big chocolates packets to distribute to all the classmates at school, to my rickshaw friends (yeah I used to take the rickshaw to go to school), to relatives and neighbors. The choice of what chocolate packet to buy would be given to me. I used to take time in choosing between a few varieties - mangobite, eclairs, melody,  coffy bite.

After distributing chocolates to all the class mates, I would always have some extra with me that I would save for myself and close friends.

Reaching home, I would first run to my mom to find out what cake was ordered. My mom usually got me two dresses for my birthday - one for school and one for the small get together at home. Aunties Ka and Ks used to help my mom in decorating our living room for the get together. I would be asked to wash and put on the new dress and wait for the party to begin.

The eagerly awaited cake cutting would happen and I would wait patiently for guests to give me their gifts. My dad's friend and a very good family friend, uncle R would take the photos. No matter what happened he would be at our place on my birthday with a gift and a camera on hand. After the party ended, I would start unpacking the gifts. Every gift would delight me.

As I grew old, the tradition of cutting cakes at school stopped. Instead I would treat my close friends at the school's canteen. The menu was the same - samosa/puff (I don't remember what we actually got). I remember waiting to see what cards my friends had got me.

When I went to college, we stopped the cake cutting at home. It was just a new dress, a quick visit to the nearby temple, phone calls from relatives and friends wishing me and then treating my gang of friends for a quick snack. Me and G continued the tradition of sending birthday cards even after moving out of school for a few years. After that we eventually gave up on sending cards. It was just wishes on the phone.

When I got to office, the team would buy a cake for everyone's birthday and then we combined birthday treats to go out for lunch or dinner. When I was at onsite, we were a closed knit group. Everyone's birthday celebrations started at midnight. Mine was no different. At 12 in the midnight, they woke me up for the celebrations - that included cake, gifts and cards. My parents called me from home, friends sent me birthday cards on emails. The new dress tradition was the only thing that I continued.

When I got close to 30, the excitement level came down. I was no longer interested in the birthdays. Birthdays meant the usual greetings email from the HR at office copying my immediate manager who usually wished back. At home it meant wearing a new dress, going to the temple and answering all the phone calls of relatives and friends who wished on the phone. Me and my parents would then go out for lunch or dinner.

As usual my mom prepared a special dish including a sweet on my birthday. She has been religiously doing it all these years. We really don't give gifts to each other on our respective birthdays. The reason is because we get things for each other throughout the year and don't actually wait for the birthdays. My parents would surprise me with a big chocolate every year. I earn well and have the money to buy many chocolates. Still, that little one that I get from them is more valuable than all the expensive chocolates.

My maternal grandparents (especially my grand father) would make it a point to wish me in person on my birthday. My grandparents, my aunts and uncles, cousins, close family friends and friends would call me religiously on every birthday to wish. Many times, close family members who had been in financial crisis and happened to be visit us on my birthday would gift me a very small amount of money. It could be a 10 rupee or a 50 rupee or a 100 rupee. I don't remember the exact amount. It never mattered to me. What mattered was the thought and the heart to give that gift. I used to deny taking that money from them. But they used to insist on that and felt offended when I refused to take it. I had to finally agree and then take their blessings.

After reaching 30, I dreaded birthdays. Birthdays reminded me that I was growing old and one more year added to my spinsterhood. I prayed and wished I was married before my next birthday.

With the advent of technology and social media, these days, birthday wishes come in from friends and colleagues through FB, whatsapp messages. A few close friends and relatives call on the D Date. Birthdays usually meant a quiet lunch or dinner with family.

When you reach 40, reality sinks in. Oh yeah, I have lived for 40 years in this world. And then I wonder if the birthday is a day of celebration for me or for my mother. She was the one who carried me in her womb, who went through all that pain, fear in giving birth to me. It should be a celebration of her achievement - of giving me this life. It should be a celebration of my father's achievement - providing me a safe and good home, giving me an education.

And finally I look back on the ups and downs in my life, the happiness and sorrow that I have gone through. What I have got and had to lose to reach this stage. What has made me this person and how much life has taught me. I have learnt many precious lessons that no educational institutions could have taught me.

I let myself to smile and be glad to have such wonderful parents who actually sacrificed many things in life to give me a better life. I am glad for the grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, relatives, family friends that I have. I am glad that although I don't have many friends, I have been lucky to have the few close friends who will always be there for me. This is my small world, a small place for myself in this big universe. And that is what matters.

Birthday is just another day in my life, a new chapter every year, that tells me that my clock is ticking!!!

Bat in the house

Last night I had to get into an official call with the customer from home. I usually close the door and the windows in the room to make sure that there is no back ground noise when I login to the call. Last night was no different. I had closed the bedroom door and was doing some work that I had.

All of a sudden I heard my mother saying "Vavvazh". I heard her talking to my dad. She then walked into my room, asked me to keep the door closed saying there was a bat in the house. Since I was busy I did not give it much thought and continued to work despite hearing a commotion outside.

After the meeting was done, I went out and that is when my mom started explaining.

Mom: There was a bat in the house. It flew to that other bedroom

Me: Wait. What?? Bat?? Amma, what are you saying?

Mom: Yes. there was a bat and it flew. We were watching the television when I saw something black fly past the living room. When I told your father, he just continued watching the television.

Dad: What can I do. I did not see that. I was watching the television. I thought your mother was blabbering something.

Mom: That is why you should listen to what I say.

** Knowing that I should stop their argument, I intervened

Me: Then what happened? How did a bat fly to our house?

Mom: I don't know from where it came. Since we had kept our main door open, it just flew by to the room and did not know how to get out.

Dad: I was the one who finally got it out :)

Mom: Yes, yes. Your father got it out. It kept flying not knowing where to go.

Me: I still can't believe it. A bat was in our house. The bat that is a bird actually came in. But what we know is that they are only there inside abandoned houses or forests. How did they land up here.

Mom: Yes, i know. No idea. But I was terrified.

I have no clue from where the bat came in to our house but I was surprised. 

Today, when I came back home from office, our main door was closed. We usually leave it open until we go to bed. When asked my mom told me that she did not want to encounter another incident today. This was a precautionary measure :) :)

Promotion nominations at work

The promotion nominations had started two weeks back in our organization. The budget numbers given for our manager's portfolio were very low. As a result, we had to cut back on many nominations for deserving candidates.

Me and my peers fought hard to push in our nominees. We might be friends, but when it came to our respective teams, all of us felt that the candidates we had nominated were better than the other candidates. Why do we have this tussle every year? Each associate works in a different environment, with different client needs. We cannot use the same scale to compare two good candidates.

We had even discussed this with our senior management team. We tried to make them understand that retaining good employees is a better strategy than letting them go and hiring laterals from the industry. They empathized with us but told us this is how it must be done. We cannot change the policies.

The HR are quite intelligent people in the whole organization. They drive these policies but they will not take accountability for any of them. They would provide the budget numbers but will not take responsibility for the nominations. The responsibility and the accountability fall on the delivery managers although they have absolutely no power to change the policies. Pretty weird, huh??

The sad part is most of the times, we don't provide opportunities to associates to grow since we need to align to our client needs who are technology driven.

Then what do we do, adapt as an organization. We need to change the way we promote, appraise our associates. Unless we do that, it is going to be a big struggle to retain good talent.

Sometimes, you have many good people all of them who are equally qualified to be moved to the next level but cannot be promoted due to the budget limits. The vice versa happens as well.

I still regret the one nomination I had to give many years back. The associate was not qualified to move on to the next level. She was technically not strong, and was a reason why others in the team spent a lot of time in the cafeteria rather than doing work. I was asked by a person from the leadership team to nominate her. I did not want to do it but had no other go. He thought she was talented when we all knew that it was a facade. She was lucky. I will give her that. That year the process was very easy and almost everyone who was nominated got through. She did get through as well. I still repent for the mistake I had done every time I see her around.

Coming back to the present, me and my colleague are pitching for our respective candidates. We are waiting for the final results :)

Should I put up my short story for sale?

I had written about my experience of writing a short story here. One of the trainers of the management training program sponsored by the company I work for had published many management books that he had written on Amazon

During one of our conversations, he had asked me if I had published my book on Amazon. When I had responded in negative, he urged me to do that. He even showed me how to set up an account on Amazon and walked me through the whole process. It seemed really simple.

The big question is do I want to publish it on Amazon and put it up for sale. Being the first short story that I had written, it is close to my heart. I just can't think of making money of this work that is personal to me. Of course, I don't think anyone is going to buy and read my short story 😀.

Probably if I ever write another story, I would put it up for sale (hoping it is good enough for someone to buy it). But not this one. This is close to my heart and will always stay that way.

Children on the train journey

I had to travel back to Chennai on a train a few days back. We had booked tickets on the Shatabdi. Since we had boarded the evening train, we were given some snacks to have - cupcake, samosa, tea and a Haldiram's namkeen packet.

After three stations, a couple boarded the train along with their two children - a boy and a girl. The mother's seat was right next to mine. As soon as they settled in, the boy came up to his mom to ask her about what would be served. (The entire conversation happened in Thamizh. Tried my best to translate it) -

Boy - Amma, they have given others cupcakes and they are still eating them. Will they give us as well?
The mother - No. I don't think they gave cupcakes.
Boy - No amma, I saw the plates on many seats. It has cupcake. They give them as snacks. And they are still eating? Will they give us as well?
The mother - Ok. May be they gave it. No, they will not give us. They will only give us dinner.
Girl - Amma, they will give us ice cream right (She is so excited about it)
Boy (turning to his little sister) - Of course, they will give us ice cream
Girl - Will they give us chocolate and ice cream as well?
Boy - No, only ice cream. Isn't that right, amma?
Mother - Ask the TTR uncle. He will know.

By the time, the TTR came in to check the tickets. The boy was murmuring ice cream and looked at him in awe.

TTR (looked at both of them) - what class are you both studying
Both the children promptly replied.

TTR - Ok, where is your id card?
Boy - My school has still not given me my id card
TTR (laughs) - If you don't show your id card, you will not get ice cream
Girl to the boy - See, I told you they will give us ice cream.
TTR - Do you ride a cycle
Boy - yes,small cycle.
*Points at his sister
Boy - She does not know how to drive a cycle

TTR - Do you have a licence to drive your cycle
*Boy does not understand what he is asking
Boy - no
TTR - See you don't have license, no ID card, then no ice cream

*TTR then looks at the girl
TTR - Do you have an ID card
Girl- No
TTR - Then no ice cream for you
**Girl comes running to her mom
Girl - Amma, i want ice cream

Boy - I have my ID card at home
TTR- then show it. Otherwise no ice cream. See everyone showed me their ID card. Your parents showed me as well.
Girl (is about to cry) - Amma, I want ice cream.

TTR comes in after some time and gives them both a chocolate. They are both really happy and excited. That small chocolate puts a smile on their face. They thank him immediately.

Our dinner arrived after some time. Both of them ate very little and waited eagerly for the ice cream. The moment the attender gave them the ice cream, they were so happy. They immediately opened it and started to eat it.

Looking at them for that 20 to 25 minutes, made all of us smile. 

IRCTC rules on ticket booking

I was trying to book train tickets last night on IRCTC's online registration portal. While doing so, I got an error message that said that I had exceeded the maximum limit of tickets that could be booked in a month. The limit is 6 tickets per month.

I had no problems on that. They probably had a reason for putting up this restriction. They might have wanted to make sure that no travel agents are using this route. What got me angry was the message that said that if I linked my Aadhar card to my user login, I could book 6 more tickets. If an user links his/her Aadhar card to their login id, then they can book upto 12 tickets a month.

What kind of logic is this? I have seen private businesses give freebies when they want you to opt in to a particular policy. But a government trying to do that? It was so absurd and irritating.

If the government wants to make sure that a proof is needed to validate any ticket booking, then make it mandatory. It should be applicable to any form of booking - online or in person booking. If they don't want to make it mandatory, then leave it out. Why do you give a freebie for linking an Aadhar card. And why is this only for online booking.

And what is the intent or purpose of doing this? What are we trying to achieve in doing this linking?

I badly wanted to book the tickets and tried to link my Aadhar after a few arguments with my parents. They were clueless on why I shouldn't do it. They didn't understand that I would have happily done if I did not feel that it was invading my privacy.

As usual, I had some technical glitches in doing the linking. We finally went and bought the tickets in person.

I am still curious and trying to find out why IRCTC wanted to do this. 

Writings on the rear window of cars

Why do people have writings on their car's rear window? This is a question that hovers in my mind every time I see one.

Some of them have religious sayings or quotes that glorify gods of the respective faiths written on the rear windows. This probably stems from a belief that god would watch over them and make sure they are safe always. It could also be a way of showing off their religious inclination. 

Others have names of their family members (usually names of children) written on the rear window. When I come across these kind of writings, it makes me wonder why these people would want to share the names of their family members for the whole world to see. What do they gain out of this? Is this a gesture of the love and affection they have for them? If yes, why do they want to announce it to the world?

I am often compelled to ask the drivers of these cars or vehicles on why they do this. I guess many of them just mimic what others do.

Apart from these two types, I have also seen some funny, weird or quirky messages written on the rear windows. That is done when vehicle is usually owned by the younger generation.

It is each one's right to do what they want to do to their car.

Personally, I like to keep my car windows plain and clear without any writings or drawings on them. 

Should I or shouldn't I send the message??

We can crib all that we want. But the fact is that technology has helped us in staying connected with people we know. I don't want to dwell on the benefits and problems caused by technology, on how mobile phones have invaded our personal lives. That is a topic for another day.

All I wanted to write was about the confusion I have before I send a message on whatsapp to a friend or to a group chat. On many occasions, I would type in the message and delete it before hitting the send button. On the other hand, there have been instances where I had sent a message and then felt that I shouldn't have done it. Whatsapp allows a person to delete the message before it has been delivered - a big thanks to them. Still, there is no way you can delete a message that has already been delivered.

Why do I have this confusion. Aren't these people all friends. What is the whole point in adding them as friends in your contact when you cannot share your thoughts. I don't have a definite answer to this. It depends on the level of friendship that you have with that person. I know that some people would accept me the way Iam, they would never judge me. While the others who don't know me well would be quick to form an opinion of me.

There is another reason for this - a message could always be misinterpreted. It is not the same as having a face to face conversation. I have to be conscious on what I message to a friend or to a group.

I remember the times when I had really wanted to participate in a particular conversation in a group and then decided that it is not my place to do that. It was the fear of acceptance and the interpretation of the message - what if people laugh at my message, what if they thought I was trying to convey something else??

That is why I try to be cautious when I send a message to a friend or a whatsapp group and ask myself the question - should I or shouldn't I send this message??

Of course, there have been times when I had ignored the tiny inner voice that told me not to send the message and lamented my mistake later.

Death

Death is inevitable. We all know that we are going to die one day. We can only delay death, but we cannot evade it. Evading death is again an illusion. We think that we are prolonging it whereas in reality we are not the decision makers. If one is fated to die on a particular day, he or she will die no matter what they do.

Knowing all this, we still fear death and try to dodge it. We still experience pain and grief when someone close to us die. I remember how I had felt when I looked at my grand father and grand mother's ashes. A person who breathed life a day before, who spoke, ate, smiled, talked was suddenly no more and was reduced to those ashes. That urn that had the ashes was all that was left of them. And I asked myself - is that all? All these years of living means nothing at the end? That whole body - skin, blood cells, parts of the body, muscles are all contained in this ash? I mean that person was living a few minutes back. What happened to that person. Are they gone just like that. It scared as well as intrigued me.

I had the same question that every human being probably has? How would death be and what would happen after that? Would it be painful? The rational part of my brain tells me that we are just made of molecules and atoms. That is all. When a person dies, the life is gone and that matter goes back to the universe. The emotional part of the brain is not able to comprehend this logic. It wants to know if there is after life, if there is really heaven or hell and if there is rebirth?

And then when you look at life and people - the way we all run behind money, power, luxuries in life, fame. It seems as if death is just smiling at us and asking the question - "What is all this fuss about?"

That is when I tell myself - when it has to happen, it will happen. Don't think about it. I can only hope and wish for a peaceful and painless death for my loved ones and myself. As my dad always says, the best way to die is to go to sleep in the night and then never get up. 

My 50th blog post and Quotes on writing

I had never thought I would be writing a blog on my own. I created this blog sorely out of  frustration. I needed an outlet for the emotions that were swirling inside me. Now, it is more of a personal diary. It helps me to put down my thoughts and let the world hear what I am thinking.

I would be lying if I don't admit that I have trouble writing on a few days. It is not the same as scribbling a few lines in your personal journal. Although it is a personal diary, I had taken the decision to make it public for anyone to read. I need to be a little conscious on what I write.

If someone had told me this is what I would do a couple of years back, I would have laughed at them. And here Iam, writing the 50th blog post 👏🎇🎈

A few quotes on writing that I was able to relate to (I don't know who these people are 😏) -

⭐If I waited for perfection, I would never write a word  - Margaret Atwood

⭐I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn - Anne Frank

⭐To write something you have to risk making a fool of yourself - Anne Rice

⭐Every writer I know has trouble writing - Joseph Heller

⭐Writing is the only thing that, when I do it, I don't feel I should be doing something else - Gloria Steinem

⭐You don't start out writing good stuff. You start out writing crap and thinking it's good stuff, and then gradually you get better at it. That's why I say one of the most valuable traits is persistence - Octavia E. Butler

What happens when your laptop crashes??

Last week my laptop crashed. And my world came to a standstill. 😆😀 I know Iam being dramatic here. What do I do??? My work at office is dependent on two things - laptop and phone (mobile or desk phone). The laptop has my outlook pst files, work related documents and files.

When I switched on my laptop on Tuesday morning at office, it just would not start up. I got a blue window screen that had a lot of messages glaring at me. Basically, it tried to convey that the laptop had a big problem and it would not start unless the issue was resolved. The problem with working in a large firm is that, I cannot just walk up to the IT team to get the hardware fixed. I have to create a help desk ticket by calling the toll free number and then the ticket would be routed to that IT person who sits in the same floor where I work. Why?? process you see. We should all stick to process!!!!

Anyways, the guy came in, had one good look at my laptop and told me he had to take it to his desk to check what the problem is. After half an hour, he called me to give the bad news -

V (the IT person): Ji, your hard disk has crashed. You need to raise a request for a new laptop.
Me: What?? crashed?? What about all my data??
V: all gone.
Me: What?? All gone??
**Iam momentarily shocked, stunned. It was as if someone had just poured a bucket of water on my head.
Me: You should be able to get the ones saved in my D drive.
** Iam glad that I had the sense to save my outlook pst files (basically all my mails) in the D drive
V: No Ji. We may not be able to do that. Your laptop is out of warranty
Me: Warranty?? what are you talking?

V shows the sticker at the back of my laptop. See, it is out of warranty.

Me: If it is out of warranty, why did your team not send me an email asking me to come and get it replaced.
V: That is not my department. You need to ask the other team xxxx.
Me: Ok. Can you pls try (** I switch to pleading mode)
V: Will try, ji. Will talk to the vendor.
Me: Ok, now how will I work.
V: raise a request for new laptop
Me: But, why should I raise it. Isn't that part of your ticket resolution?
**He looked at me as if I had lost my mind

V: No, you have to raise on your own. I will close this ticket saying your hard disk crashed and nothing can be done since it is out of warranty. That is the process.

Me (looking defeated): Ok.

I then proceeded to call the help desk number again to check if I really need to raise a request for a new laptop. The girl on the other side confirmed that and raised one on my behalf. That ticket was assigned to the asset management team.

I got a desktop (thanks to K who manages all this stuff in our project). I had a lot of mails in my outlook and proceeded to respond to them.

Day Two -
I called the asset mgmt team asking them when I can get the laptop.

Asset mgmt team: Your laptop refresh is next month. We cannot give you a new laptop now.
Me: Great. But my laptop crashed and they told me it is out of warranty.
Asset mgmt team: No, it is not.

I walked to the IT team ODC and pulled in one guy who was working on something else. I told him what the Asset Mgmt team told me. After criticizing them with choice words, he assured me he would send an email to them. As promised, he did send an email that my hard disk did crash and I need to get a new laptop since it is out of warranty listing all the details. Finally they agreed to give me a new laptop.

When I asked them when I can get one, they responded saying that I was in a queue and it will take time. I responded immediately saying that it is ok, I am ready to wait. But I have end of month activities that are important. What should I do about it? They finally agreed to give me one the next day.

In the mean time, V told me it will take one more day to get the back up. I continued working on the desktop.

Day Three - 
I finally got a laptop in the afternoon. People told me that I was lucky to get it in two days. I started setting up stuff. It still felt empty without all the old data. V assured me he will get back the data from the D drive.

That was when I looked at my new laptop. No D drive. What the hell? I went back to the asset mgmt team and asked why I did not have a D drive. They told me that these days all the laptops and desktops are set up without a D drive. That is the new process. Seriously, who creates all these new processes??? They dismissed me politely and asked me to use the internal One drive.

Day Four - 
I got a call that my back up was completed and I could come and get it transferred to the new laptop. I heaved a sigh of relief and immediately went with my new laptop. That had all the work I had done for the last 16 years!!! It took them 2 hours to get the back up transferred.

My life returned to a semblance of normality after I got all my old data transferred to the new laptop.
These days, I make sure I take a back up of all my files before I leave for the day 😄

Did I really write an entire blog post on my laptop crash, huh??? 

Driving in the rain

After several months, it rained last week in Chennai. I was quite excited and watched the rain pouring down through the glass panes at office. It looked so beautiful.

That was when I realized that it was almost six in the evening and I had brought my bike to office. I had to leave before it started raining heavily and the traffic got bad. I have had some experience in driving in the rain. A few years back, I had taken my mother for shopping and we got stuck in the rain while travelling back. The advantage I had that day was that it was a weekend and mid afternoon. 

This time, I did not want to take any chances and thought I could beat the traffic if I left at 6 pm. When I got closer to the exit ramp, a big queue had already formed near to the exit and vehicles were moving at a slow pace. The exit ramp had a divider in the middle. The right side was a little wide and was for cars while the left side was for two wheeler and cycles. That day, the left side was completely blocked. Vehicles were able to move only on the right side. 

While driving out of the basement, I noticed that the left side of the exit was blocked because many people had parked their bikes right in the path. They must have wanted to drive out and then decided not to venture out until the rain stopped. I slowly made my way out. Although my bike skidded a little while going over the road bump they had put up near the exit, I managed to not fall down. I was scared and parked the vehicle near the foot path where fellow riders had done the same.

After standing there for a few minutes, I decided that there was no point in waiting. I was completely drenched, my clothes were wet. The water level in the roads were not going to go down and traffic would only get worse. Making the decision, I immediately started my bike and drove in the heavy rain.

I couldn't take two of the smaller roads that I usually took since the water level was so high. I drove at a very slow speed and let many vehicles over-take me. I had no idea why people wanted to drive fast and overtake others while it was raining. They are all insane!!!

I had just one goal - reach home safely no matter what happens and how much time it takes.

The road conditions were really bad, there was water clogging in many roads. It grew darker since it was raining continuously and almost all the street lamps were switched off. I was not able to figure out where the potholes were on the road. In fact I had driven my bike right into three to four big potholes on the way. I felt so cold and had to keep wiping the water droplets that had fallen on my helmet visor and the rear mirror on the bike. On top of this, the cars and the vans that drove parallel to my bike, kept splashing water onto my bike. 

Finally I reached home after one and a half hours. I was glad that me and my bike were back home without encountering any mishap 👏 It was a good experience. I was scared but I needed this experience.

After cleaning up, I went and hugged my dad. He was surprised. I told him that I understood what he must have gone through while driving the car and the scooter during the rainy seasons.

Old memories of him dropping me off, waiting for me and picking me up from the IIT entrance coaching classes even during the heavy rains came back to me. The coaching center was situated in a low lying area that was always flooded during the rainy season. Those days we did not even own a car. We only had a Bajaj scooter. No matter how heavy the rain was, he was always there to drive me to the coaching center.

Iam sure people would think that Iam making a big deal about this. This is what everyone does every day. Well, they could say all they want. For me, my dad is a hero!!!

Kili josiyam and Goli soda

Kili Josiyam
Kili Josiyam has always fascinated me. Although I have never believed in this, it was on my TO-DO list for a long time. I have watched them sitting on the road pavement with their caged parrot waiting patiently for a customer. There were times when I had wanted to walk straight to them and inquire if they can give their predictions based on the card the parrot would take. I was just curious to see how the parrot would know what tarot card to pick from the stacked up cards. Although I had the urge, I had never acted upon it.
Last weekend I had been to a restaurant for lunch with my parents. When we were leaving the restaurant, we found a parrot astrologer sitting in the lobby. I gathered that as part of a unique experience the hotel wanted to give its customers, they had arranged for this astrologer to be there. My mom immediately asked me if I had wanted to try kili joshiyam. Why would I say no? It was something I had always wanted to experience. I immediately agreed.

The astrologer asked me to take a seat in front of him and asked for my name. He had a wooden cage that had a parrot at one end and a big mouse at the other end. He inquired if I wanted to get a parrot or a mouse astrology. On hearing my preference, he stacked up the tarot cards vertically. After that, he lifted the door of the parrot, calling it by his name. The parrot stepped out. He nudged it to pick up a tarot card for me.

I observed the parrot and the astrologer. I looked at his hands and fingers to check if he was giving it some kind of gesture to pick the card he wanted. To my disappointment, he did not make any hand gestures. He only kept talking to the parrot, urging it to pick a good card. After pulling down four to five cards down, the parrot finally selected one and gave it to him. When that was done, he appreciated the parrot, took some grains and fed it. He then proceeded to push it a little in the direction of the cage and closed it.

He then opened the tarrot card. I had gotten one with the Ashta Lakshmi goddess picture. He then explained what the card meant and how my future would look like. We then thanked him and paid him some money. At home, I pondered if the parrot picked up some random card or if he had made some kind of gesture that I had failed to observe. My parents then told me that he might have trained the parrot to stop at a particular card if he utters a particular word. I realized that it could be true. That man kept talking to the parrot continuously. Anyways, it was fun and I enjoyed the experience.

Goli soda

Remember the goli soda that we used to get many years back. I remember watching the goli moving inside and making noise while drinking. After that, the cold drinks and fruit favored drinks took over and goli soda took a back seat. Yesterday we went to buy stuff from an organic shop that true to its name sells only organic stuff (unlike other shops). At the shop, the glass bottles with the goli caught my eye. Some were colorless, the others had colored water.

I murmured into my mom's ears that they are selling goli soda. She exclaimed that I was talking non-sense and it was some kind of soft drink. Determined to prove right, I asked the shopkeeper on what it was. He confirmed that they were selling goli soda in five flavors - normal, orange, pineapple, cola, and lemon.

We finally bought an orange one. He asked us to push the goli by ourselves. Although I tried, I could not push the goli. I gave it to my mom and she immediately pushed it inside. She then told me that one of our relative had a small business - making goli soda. She would love to go and help the people in making them when she was a kid.

After many years, I finally drank that goli soda and returned home contented.

Training session and career goals

As part of a two-day training programme that I had attended, every participant was asked to describe his or her career goal for next 10 years and the tactics or sub goals they had. About 80% of the participants wanted to quit the current job and run their own company. Another 10 to 15% wanted to move up the ladder and be the CEO of an IT firm. I and another participant where the only two people who wanted to do something different. While he wanted to do organic farming, I did not really have a career goal. I wanted to just continue doing the good work and have the flexibility to work wherever I want.

All those who had wanted to run their own company in 10 years, where firm on one thing. They wanted to be financially secure before venturing out on their own. They wanted to earn during the next few years and set aside monetary funds that would take care of their family's needs. Only after that is done, do they want to start their own business. It was interesting to hear what business each one wanted to start. They were in the current role or position only because they felt this was the best means to earn.

That got me thinking. What does this mean? Commitments and responsibilities in life was holding many people back from pursuing what they want to do. It also meant that no one was really passionate or happy about what work they were doing.

I remember reading a forward some time back about the life of people working in IT firms. The first few years of one's career, the individual wants to learn a lot of technologies, gather more experience. After that the majority of the people want to quit jobs and start their own firms. Not many do it, but most of them dream of doing it. During the last few years of one's career, the individual only wants job security. That is all matters at the end of the day!!

The career goal that the next group of participants had - to be a CEO or CIO was another favorite career aspiration. Everyone has aspirations to grow in their career and play leadership roles. There is nothing wrong in this. It is a natural transition which would happen.

What surprised me was why does everyone aspire to grow in their career. It could sound foolish. Everyone wants more money, more power, move up the ladder. Why are we not content in doing a good job at the same level.
I know that being in this industry, the moment one says that he or she does not have big career aspirations; people would look down upon that person. They would think that the said person is not fit for that organization or firm.

Why are we always measuring success with what position we hold in the organization? Why is that leading a beautiful and happy life not a successful life? 

I wonder if Iam the only one who thinks this way.

Is it right to force someone to speak in a forum?

The business unit I belong to had started an event xxxTED a few months back. Some senior leaders from our business unit had talked about various topics in this forum.

Two weeks back, my manager V forwarded an email asking if he can nominate me for the upcoming session. As usual, I was busy with multiple tasks and did not really pay attention to that email. I did really read the full email, just bits and pieces. After a few hours, I had gone to my manager’s cubicle to discuss on some other issue. Post discussion, he started this topic –

V: R, did you look at that email I sent you on that session we want you to take?

Me: Nomination is the easiest part. I need to think of a topic

V: What topic. They have listed the topics people have already spoken. Pick out something that is relevant.

Me: Ok, Give me some time.

V: This is just a 15 min xxxTED talk. There will be someone to coach you the first time

** That is when a light bulb switched on in my great mind. All this while I had assumed that they wanted me to train or take a session for the trainees (college graduates). This is what happens when I don’t read the full email.

Me: Wait, what TED talk? I thought it was for fresh graduates.

Me: V, you really want me to participate in that xxxTED talk. This is a big thing. I really need time to think through this.

V: What do you want to think? You just have to go and speak there. I know you can do it. They will coach you.

Me: V, I can talk. But who will write my speech? I have to first pick a topic, write that entire speech.
The team will not help me with that na. They will only coach me on how to speak.

V: Ok, but they have already asked me to nominate you.

The conversation ended. It has been two weeks and the scheduled date for that event is next week. I have still not talked to my manager hoping he would have forgotten about it. Did not want to remind him. Something tells me he would have already nominated me.

God, I just don’t like it when someone forces me to do something. This is something that people should come forward to do. You should not force someone to do.

 

Alas, no one will listen to my opinion in this case L L