Things to keep in mind when caring for someone who is bedridden

My grandfather had a surgery recently and that is when our normal life went haywire. This was a first time experience for all of us since he is really old now and we had a lot of challenges in taking care of him.

A few things I have learnt personally from this entire episode -

One, it is ok to reach out for help and hire an attender or caretaker to take care of them at home. This does not mean we love or care for them less. It just means that we are bringing in experts to help with taking care of them. These folks are professionals and are trained to take care of sick people who are bedridden.

When we got someone for help, I was surprised by how expertly she changed the bed sheets and diapers. When we tried to do it ourselves on the first day before we hired her, we struggled to do that.

There are many healthcare providers that run these kind of services. Ask around for recommendations and hire someone.

Second, there are so many products in the market that are used to aid us in taking care of them at home. Check them out online. We got my grandfather a temporary seat adjuster that helps him in sitting and lying down. The first thing we made sure we had before we got him back home was an air bed. 

All said and done, the most difficult part is in understanding them. They will have mood swings, will throw a tantrum. Don't take it personally and continue to provide them with the best care.

The elaichi factor

I was disappointed after taking a bite of the Chandrakala sweet that I had bought. The reason?? It had  yelakka (elaichi) in it.

Elaichi is a common ingredient that is added in most of the dishes that is made these days. They add it in sweets, curries, rice. The only problem is I don't like that flavor at all. The whole taste goes for a toss when this is added while cooking a dish. 

I really don't have any childhood memories of having a dish that had this ingredient in it. Probably that is the reason I don't like it.

Me (loudly): why, why?? why do people add this yelakka to everything. Spoils the taste of the sweet.

Amma (looking at me): Other than you, I don't think anyone has any problem with yelakka. And it is good for digestion. So if you want that sweet, you need to have it with that flavor.

To all the cooks out there, can we please remove yellaka from the dishes.😞😞😞

Random thought on friendship

When I was excitedly telling a friend about connecting with someone after many years, she told me sarcastically to see how long that would last. I was taken aback initially. Later I realized she was right. 

I have had a few experiences where I started off on a great note with a friend. After the initial excitement of starting a new friendship starts to wear off, there are signs of disinterest. The conversations gradually move to formalities and the other person starts showing signs of disinterest. That is when I know it is coming to an end. Being some one who wouldn't easily give up on friendship, I tried my best to keep it going. When I realized that it was just not going to happen, I finally gave up and it just fizzled out.

On the other hand, some old friendships have stood the test of times and the bond has only grown stronger over the years.

My friend went on to say, "R, when I talk to someone after many years, I cannot be expected to pick up from where I left. Iam not going to open up and share all my life events, my problems with that person immediately. It is going to take some time. Only after we spend a lot of time together, will I move on to talk about more personal stuff." 

She was right as well. It takes a lot of time and patience to build a friendship that would last. There is no easy way.  

Why do some friendships last longer than others. I guess it depends on how much the two people like each other, trust each other and are committed to that friendship. Otherwise the friendship will just fade. 

Why it is difficult for an unmarried woman to get married at the age of 40

Why is it difficult for an unmarried woman to get married at a late age?

Well, the obvious reason is that there are too few men at the age of 40 to 50 yrs who are still unmarried. Most of them are already married before the age of 30.

Second, in the Indian society, men (no matter what their age), always look for someone who is younger to them by atleast 3-4 yrs. So if a woman has to look for a man to marry at say the age of 40, she has to look for someone who is more than 45 yrs of age which again narrows down the search.

Third, there is a reason for the men at this age to remain unmarried. Some of them, want to stay single for reasons only they know.  I mean why would you say no to a life long companionship. It still baffles me!!

A few of them have conditions (not expectations) and are still looking for a woman, who will meet those conditions. In Indian society, that could easily be a long list. It would definitely include religion, caste, eating habits, education, family background, horoscope match, looks (oh yes, they all want only a woman who has a fair complexion). 

These are the men who still want to go through the traditional route and are looking for parental support to make those decisions. They don't want to take any decision. They don't understand that if they ignore others advice including their parents and look past these conditions, they would definitely find someone they like. Yes, unfortunately the parents are part of the group the men need to ignore coz most parents want the best for their son, However, what they don't get is that finding a girl who complements the man is what is important.

And then there are some, who really want to get married and are still looking. Trying to find someone who will hold their interest. Unfortunately, this is a very very small number and that is where the problem is!! sigh !!!! 😔

Now, back to the women. Iam not an expert. This could be just what Iam thinking. At the age of 40, a person has gone through a lot in life. They have seen their share of ups and downs. They are more mature, are more strong and independent. They understand that good looks or education to name a few, don't really matter. It is the personality of a person that matters. 

Most of them want someone who would care for them, trust them, treat them as an equal and accept them for who they are. Iam sure that if they find someone who have these, most of them would definitely go ahead and marry them. 

The men have also gone through the same and are looking for the same traits in the women. Unfortunately, most of them have reached a point that they don't care anymore. Sad, but that is the truth!!

Ulutha vadai

My mom has always been an expert in cooking. She cooks delicious dishes and we enjoy them daily. 

The only dish she can never get it right, is the Medu vadai (the only we call as ulutha vadai). Ironically, this is one of my favorite dish. All these years, whenever my mom has tried to prepare this dish, it has ended in a disaster. Either it is too oily or very hard. She used to give up on it and make bondas instead of vadais.

That is the reason, whenever my grand mom is around, she makes it a point to make this vadai for me. She knows that I like them and always cooks them. I have tried to ask my grandmom (on behalf of my mother) on what mistake we have been doing. Even though she explained, my mom never gets them right.

So, it was a surprise when two months back, amma made this vadai and it was just perfect. I was jumping in glee, proud that my mother had finally mastered the art of making ulutha vadai. My mother was herself surprised and tried to remember what she had done to make it right.

I just walked in to the kitchen room today when my mom was frying something. I had a hunch and looked into the cooking vessel. And what did I find, ulutha vadai. They were perfectly made!!!

Me: Amma, you are making ulutha vadae. Wow!!

My mom(*beaming with pride*) : yes.  

Me: you have become an expert, amma. they look so nice.

My mom: yes. ana kannu vetkathe. yetho ippolaam nalla varuthu

Me: ok ok. no problem.

She finally finished frying all of them and we got to eat those delicious vadais. They were perfect in shape and were delicious!!! I just love my mom 💓

The forecasting game

The leadership team wanted us to share the forecasts for the next nine months. My manager set up a meeting to discuss on how we should do this. 

My Mgr: Guyz, we need to give forecast for next year.

All of us: ok

Mgr opens the worksheet to explain

My Mgr: here you see, the revenue has been given. We cannot change it

All of us: ok

My Mgr: The profitability is also given. We cannot change it

My Mind voice: ok, everything is given. Then what shd we do 😖

Me: So V, revenue cannot be changed, profitability cannot be changed. Then what should we update.

My Mind voice: R, why can't you shut your mouth and stay quiet like the others. 

My Mgr: you see the costs - there are different costs. You need to update that which in turn will update the profitability

Me (still not learnt the lesson): Costs is also fixed right.

My Mgr: yes, the total costs is fixed.

Me: I don't control how much salary should be given for an associate. In fact, Iam not supposed to even know those details. The overall cost is fixed.  Nothing is in my control. Then why do they want us to update something I don't know,.

My Mgr: R, I understand what you are trying to say. They want us to update it and send it. Can we pls move to the discussion on what numbers to give in there.

Me: ok.

My Mind voice: company le oruthanukku koodava arivu ille. Just put a formula and derive those numbers na. ithukku oru email!!!! 😂😆

No football for kids :)

I was having a conversation with a colleague at onsite who had taken a day off earlier to be with his son who was having a surgery. 

We started the call,

My colleague: R, a piece of advice. Never allow your kids to play football

Me (perplexed!!): ok...

My colleague: that is bad, very bad.

After some time,

My colleague: What is the name of the popular game you play in India. The one that everyone plays...

Me (racking my brain.. it was so unexpected, I really didn't know what to say): hmm. wht game..

My colleague: the outdoor game that everyone plays including kids.

** Finally a bulb switches on in my brain

Me: are you talking abt cricket. that is a popular game.

My colleague: yes... cricket!!! That is a good game. Ask your kids to play that game. But not football. That is not the right game. They run around and get hurt, badly hurt..

**It was on my tip of the tongue, to tell him that I was unmarried and had no children. But he went on talking and I realized that there was no point in telling him my situation 😄😆. 

He was just a worried parent and was letting out his emotions. So I just let him talk.

Living with parents

No matter what your age, parents still treat you like a kid. 

On top of this if you are a woman, unmarried, living with parents, the situation is going to be even more bad. Well, bad for you, not for them!!

I did hear that it is much more better for men who are unmarried. They still have independence in doing what they want. I don't think parents would ask them where they are going when they leave the house or what they are doing when they are on the phone or in their room.

The same is not the case if it is a daughter.

If Iam chatting on the phone for a long time, Iam advised that it is bad for health. Well, yes, it is bad for health. But what do I do when Iam bored. I don't have a family to take care of or responsibilities as a married woman.

When you ask them to treat you as a woman who is in her forties, they look at you as if you have grown crazy. Add to this, the emotional blackmail they use when you confront them. 

Sometimes, it feels as if you are just bound and trapped by their love. I remember the scene from a thamizh movie. The hero's father wants the best for him and in doing so, does not allow him to make any independent decision. In the end, the hero tries to explain to his dad on what is wrong with him. He tells him that he is a good father, someone who loves and cares for his family. He is someone who wants the best for his children and gives them everything they want. Unfortunately, there is one thing that he is not able to give them - independence. He advises them on everything, never realizing that they are all adults and can make their own choices in life.

The conversation in that scene between father and son is what Iam reminded of whenever I have an argument at home. 

I just wish they allow me to be independent and look at me as a woman who knows what she wants and can manage on her own.

Guilty of snacking on unhealthy snacks

Although I still had my stash of the last few Kaju katli's in the fridge, I had this sudden urge to eat something sweet.

I walk into the kitchen and find these packets of Horlicks that my mom had got for my grandmother. Since it gets hard when stored in a container for a long time, she bought these small packets that could be opened and used whenever my grand mom wanted it.

So when I looked at them, I knew I had to have them. Opened one packet and then started eating them. My dad looked at me as if I had gone mad. Asked me to put it in milk or hot water and have it. 

I told him that I have never liked Horlicks with milk. I just loved to eat it just like that.

After it was finished, I still wanted to have something sweet. 

And that is when I remembered the Nestle milkmaid tin. Well, opened that one and helped myself to two big spoons of milkmaid. I had to stop myself from having more!!! It was so yummy!!! 

To get the vaccination shot or not??

Have been in a confused state in the last 2 weeks - should I get the vaccination shot or should I not get?? Have read the pros and cons of getting the shot. The effectiveness of them, the side effects, the risk involved in getting them. Whatsapp forwards and discussions going back and forth on the good and bad of the vaccination.

The question is how long can I go without taking it. When we are all asked to get back to office, we will be forced to get the shots. So can I defer it for now. The what-ifs are never ending!!!

I don't want to be forced to get it. I want to make a conscious decision in getting the shots. All the people who got them look at me as if I am being stupid and making a grave mistake. On the other hand, the people who have not yet got it are in the same confused state of mind.

So for now, Iam going to wait and watch on how bad the situation could get and the necessity to get the shot.

I hope Iam making the right decision.

The Vaccination survey

The firm I work in, has been continuously sending in emails about the vaccination outlining the benefits of vaccination. 

After a few weeks, they scheduled vaccination drives and sent in emails urging the associates to use the opportunity to take the vaccine shots for themselves and their dependents. 

After the first two drives, they sent in a survey asking all of us to participate in it. The survey had questions related to the vaccination status of the associates and their dependents. If they did not take it, then their preferred location and date which would help the company in scheduling future vaccination drives.

Well, I thought when the firm was doing so much for us, the least we could do was participate in the survey and give them the information. 

Unfortunately I was not able to submit the survey - the date question was a mandatory one - one should select the date they got their last vaccination or the date they want to get their vaccination shot (if not taken). What if someone chose not to take the vaccine at all. Why did they not have a "NA" option.

The final sentence was what made me stop submitting the survey - allowing the firm to pass on the information to the government when asked for. 

I have seen many such check boxes in many forms that are basically legal clauses to protect the major parties from law suits. And in all those situations I have happily confirmed to them because I had this don't care attitude. I mean what could go wrong.

This one for some reason did not go well with me. And so I refrained myself from checking that tiny checkbox at the end.

After that, there have been multiple email reminders from the HR team asking us to submit. Last friday I decided to see what they would do if someone asks questions and I sent an email to the HR asking them why I should agree to give away my data to the government and why I should select a date.

As with all such emails, there was no reply to this one. Either they are not reading emails in their inbox or they don't know how to respond to me. Will have to wait and see what they are gonna do.

The White Cat

I got up last night to use the bathroom. When I was finished with the task, I walked to the other room hoping that I was wrong. 

I peered through the window and found the shadow that has now become familiar to me. Damn, I thought. When is this ever gonna end!!!! 

I went to get the glass of water and slowly pulled the curtain. I heard a faint sound and then I found that it had jumped on the compound wall. It walked towards my neighbor's bike, made itself comfortable on the seat of the bike and then stared at me. I stared back. 

We both stared at each other for some time and then I got tired and went back to my room to sleep. 

It all started a few days back...

I had woken up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and heard a faint sound near one of the windows. I peered closely at one of the windows and found a white outline on the window ledge. The windows at my house have a protective mosquito net. This served two purpose - one, to keep the mosquitoes out and the other to keep cats, squirrels and other insects from entering through the windows.

Very cautiously, I peeled off the net and slowly opened the door. And that is when I saw this white cat sitting on the ledge. 

I don't like cats and can't stand them. It is one of the species that irritate me.😏 So every time, I see one, I drive it away from that place.

Coming back to the story, as soon as I saw the cat, I wanted to get rid of it. I tried swinging the window back and forth many times and it still did not leave. I finally got a big stick and hit it hard. Only then did it move from the resting place.

That night, I thought the problem was solved and the cat would not dare come near my bedroom window again.

Well, I was wrong. The next night, I found the cat again sitting there. This time I got a glass of water and poured it on the cat. It had the desired effect and the cat got away. It ran and sat on the seat of my neighbor's bike and stared at me. Well, if you did not want that, you should have stayed away from my windows, was what I thought 😂😁

This has become a routine now. 

Every night, I find the cat sitting there. I get a glass of water and pour the water on it. As soon as I do that, it gets away and moves on to the other side of the compound wall. 

For the last two nights, I didn't even get to the part of pouring the water. I just pushed the curtains aside. On hearing the sound, the cat jumped on to the wall, knowing very well what would happen if it stayed.

I just don't get it. If the cat was smart to know what was bound to happen, why did it sit in the same spot last night 😉

It seems we are both adamant - the cat and I. Let us see who is going to win this match!!!

Random thoughts - April 27

I type a message on Whatsapp and then just before I press the send key, I read it again. Isn't this too much. What will the other person think of me? I then delete it and retype a new message. The new one is simple and lacks the emotion that the previous one has. I hit the send message.

Iam on a call with someone. When I realize that the other person is not interested in what Iam saying, I leave that topic and move on to something else.

Iam speaking to someone and perceive that they don't want to continue the conversation. I don't prod them. I say good bye and end the call or stop the conversation.

They are all examples of how I have learnt to restrain myself in saying or doing something because I know that the other person is just not interested in it.

There is nothing wrong in what the others are doing. They have their own life, commitments, their own problem, thoughts running in their mind. If you insist, they might listen to you. They will do it either because they are too nice to say no or they don't want to offend you. 

Unless it is really important, you just have to feign nonchalance and go on with life. 

Perhaps this is the reason, people kept diaries. You need an outlet to put down all your thoughts without worrying about how others will react.

Review of the Susanna Kearsley's novels

It was by accident that I stumbled upon the novel, The Rose Garden by Susanna Kearsley. I remember I had read a few pages of this novel a year back. At that time, I was just not interested. 

Two weeks back, I was browsing through the novel list at an online site and came across this one. I told myself what could go wrong with reading this one. The novel is set in the Cornwall county in England. It starts with a detailed description of the place which I now understand is Susanna's style of writing.

It takes some time to like this novel. One has to have a little patience to wait for the story to unfold. It was a very sweet romance story that includes time travel. Although it was slow paced, I liked the story and the ending. When I was done with it, I wanted to check out if she had written more that one novel. I read reviews of a few of her novels and then went around searching for her other novels at the same site. 

I was not disappointed and found a few more at the same online site. They are all feel-good novels and have a happy ending. She has done a lot of research on the historical events and the places around Europe.

Here is my own personal review of a few that I had read -

a) The Rose Garden - a romance novel set in the Cornwall county. I loved the time travel part of this novel. The time travel blends in with the story. At no point of time was I confused if the heroine was in the present or in the past. The decision that the heroine takes felt right to me. There were a few surprises in the story towards the end and I had to read those sentences a second time to understand. I liked this novel and wouldn't mind reading it the second time. This was my first introduction to the group of people called Jacobites.

b) The Firebird - The hero and heroine are born with a gift - they can visualize who owned an object merely by touching it. In fact, the hero can actually go back to the events that happened in the past when he touches an object. They follow the journey of a girl who had lived in the past and that takes them to the different places she had lived including many parts of Europe and Russia. I was excited when I read the scenes that take place in Russia. As usual, the author does a good job in writing detailed descriptions of the places.

c) The Shadowy Horses - this is a novel that is set in Scotland. There is a friendly Roman soldier who is a ghost and a boy who has psychic powers. When I realized that there was a ghost, I assumed it would be a typical ghost story. I was surprised when the sentry is just one of the characters in the novel. I really didn't know much about what happens at archaeological digs until I read this novel. When I first read this, I was wondering why the boy and his mother sounded familiar and then I realized the connection between this book and the Firebird. This has to be read prior to reading the Firebird. I made a mistake of reading the Firebird first and then had to go back and forth between the two novels to understand the connection.

d) The Splendour Falls - after reading three of Susanna's novels, I was hoping for some kind of time travel or magic in this one. I was rather disappointed when it was just a sweet romantic novel with a sprinkle of mystery. However, as usual her detailed description of the surroundings was what made it a nice read. The novel is set in Chinon, France and as you follow the heroine's journey, it takes you through the nooks and corners of Chinon. When I finished this book, I wanted to immediately travel to Chinon and visit all the places described in this book.

e) Mariana - finally, I got another time travel romance story to read!!! While in the Rose Garden, it was just time travel, in this novel, it includes reincarnation. The heroine actually is the same person who had lived in the 17th century in the same house that she lives in the present. I just loved this novel. It was a bittersweet romance and the twist at the end was completely unexpected. Was I a little disappointed?? Maybe, maybe not!!! It is set in a lovely village in England and I could picture myself in all those places she had described in the novel.

I think I have become a fan of Susanna and her novels. Just when I thought that this was the last novel I would be reading online and I had to go out and buy other novels, I found another of her novel - The Desperate Fortune yesterday at the same site.

Well, I have started reading it although Iam very sure that this is just a normal novel. 

I hope it is a good one!!!

Chennai summer is back!!

 You know that summer is back in Chennai when - 

       # The water heaters in the bathrooms can take their well needed rest. They are not needed any more since the water is already hot.

                # The clay pots are pulled out from the cupboards and washed. They will be used to store the drinking water and keep it cool.

       #  The air coolers are now back in action. One cannot go to sleep without switching on the air coolers.

       # The plants look withered the whole day. It is only in the evenings after they have been given some water, do they come back to life.

       # The pickles and vadagams (that are used in sambhars) are prepared to last for an entire year are prepared.

       # You start sweating and hate going outside in the day time.

       # You drink lots of water and still feel thirsty.

       # You long for the mangoes to turn up in the stores and start dreaming of the various ways of having them either eat them as a whole or savor them in the form of juices or milkshakes. 

       # You wait for the rain gods to show some mercy and wish that it rains every day.

       # You wait eagerly for the water melons and nungu fruit.  

       

How illogical can people be??

More than a year back, we had gone to Coorg for a vacation. We stayed in a homestay that was highly recommended. There were good reviews about this place and the couple who owned the home stay. It was a beautiful place and situated in a secluded area far away from the resorts and hotels.

The owners of the homes stay owned a vast coffee estate. They were highly educated and were part of the elite community in that region.  

They just had three guest houses and at that time, we were the only guests who were staying in there. We were invited for dinner with them and had some pretty good conversation. My mother and I were befriended by the lady of the house and we had our own private conversations over dinner and in the mornings.

As expected, the conversation moved over to politics.

The lady of the house: I like M*** so much and always vote for his party B**

Me: Really and why is that?

She: Oh, he has no children or family. So, there is no reason for him to be corrupt and to take money. Which means he is a good man.

Me: How can you be sure. Do you have any proof for it? 

She: I have no proof but why does a man need money when he has no family

Me: Hmm. am not sure abt it. Let us for a while consider that your statement is true and he is not corrupt. Still, there are a few things that you need to consider - he may not be corrupt. He can still be a bad guy and do bad things or have bad policies. Second, you are actually going to vote for the candidate in his party who is nominated for this constituency. He is the one who is going to be the go to person for you if he wins. Are you sure, he is not corrupt or he is a good man. This guy M*** is the PM and not your local candidate.

She: I don't care. I like M*** and that is all that matters. In fact I don't like the C*** party at all

I was amused by her irrational thought and wanted to prod her a little more.

Me: Ok. And why is it that you don't like the C****** party?

She: You see, they started celebrating Tipu Sultan and had a day in a year to celebrate him. We all hate Tipu.

My MV: now, this is interesting. I have a fair knowledge of Tipu from what i learnt in my history classes. Still, why would someone in the 20th century hate him

Me: So why do you hate Tipu?

She: He was a tyrant who massacred many people in this area. We all hate him for that and that is the reason we all don't vote for the C**** party.

Me: Do you have historical facts to support it? Even if what you say is true, that was a long time ago. You were not even born at that time. So how do you know what really happened at that time?

She: That is true, we all know it.

Me: Ok.

*** I did not want to argue with her since she felt so strongly about and because I did not really have facts with me. Without facts, I had nothing to say about it.

We moved on to other topics and then she proudly talked about the guests that had stayed at the homestay. She talked about the foreign nationals who stayed and how they loved the place and the food that they served. She then talked about the vacations she took outside India and the places she had visited.

I was curious and asked her if she had any British nationals who had stayed at her place to which she quickly answered with pride that they did stay.

I was surprised - During the time the British ruled India, they had committed so many atrocities that were all aware of. So this highly educated and well read woman, was ready to look above that piece of history and take pride in hosting British nationals and was excited about travelling abroad. However, when it came to Tipu sultan (who was a ruler of India and fought against the British) and probably did what any ruler would do in those days, she was ready to hate him.

She was ready to vote for a party simply because it's leader was a single man and hated another national party because they celebrated Tipu Sultan? 

What kind of logic is this? If someone who is so well read and well educated can think so foolishly, I just cannot imagine what the others do. 

That is the state this country is in.

On a side note, I did read a little about this particular incident of Tipu and from what I understood, he was just another ruler in those times who did what he thought was right. Second, as part of their strategy, the British spread false news about Tipu to make sure the people of a particular religion hated him.

Strange, how people twist the historical facts to their advantage.

Dreams

I have always wondered how and why dreams occur. I have always had dreams when I sleep. 

They are all so different -  happy dreams, bad dreams (that would end up in me sobbing while sleeping), normal or uninteresting dreams, scary dreams.

Some dreams are quite hazy. I don't remember them at all when I am awake. I just know that I had a dream but cannot remember anything of the dream. My brain is completely blank.

Whereas some dreams are vivid. Of course, I don't remember the dream clearly but I know the gist of it. What it was all about.

Some dreams are quite vivid when I have the dream. One part of my brain knows it is just a dream. Still, I go head with it. Iam a part of it although Iam surprised by what I see. I can see very clearly the minute details in the dream - the nature, the background, the texture, color or pattern on the clothes. I can smell, taste clearly in these dreams. They are something Iam very sure (even when Iam dreaming) that I have never seen in my life. And then when I try to memorize them, I forget them as soon as Iam awake. That is quite surprising and I don't know what to make of them. I am seeing places I have never seen in my life or even heard of them. I don't even know if they exist. Same with people. Some of the people that I see in the dream are people I have never seen or known in my real life.

It makes me wonder if there is a parallel universe where these incidents happen and then are just being sent to me through dreams!!! 😊

And then there are some dreams that are recurring - always have a dream of the presence of a spirit (that is faceless and cannot be seen) in the house we had previously resided in. I just don't know why this dream is recurring. In fact after a year we had moved out of the old house, I did go to the shambles of what was our old house just to make sure that there was nothing in there. Still, that dream always comes back to me for no reason. I don't see anything in the dream but only feel the presence of a spirit and many incidents related to that. Similarly I have dreams of something similar in our first floor apartment where we are currently residing. We don't use that apartment in the night. I just work there in the day time.

I know there is a lot of extensive research that has gone into the dreams. Still, I am sure that is again one of the fields that is still unknown to humans. Oh yes, they say that dreams are just an extension of your memories, your thoughts and your yearnings. Still, how they manifest is quite interesting. 

Not promoted :))))

Last week, the managers were sending congratulatory notes to folks who got promoted. I was happy for everyone who got promoted and even more happy that I did not get through the nomination.

All of a sudden, my mom asked me the question. I don't know how my mom does it but sometimes it feels that she has a premonition in matters concerning me. It happens every time I do something wrong like spilling something, not doing some work. She finds it right away.

Anyways back to the conversation. 

Amma: R, what happened to your promotion? Any news about it

Me (grinning): I think I did not make it this year

Amma: why? did they tell you the reason. 

Me: No idea and Iam glad about it

Amma: how can someone be happy in not getting promoted. I will be proud of you if you went on to become an Associate Director

Me: Amma, tell me some thing. Would you want your daughter to have a promotion and then asked to quit or have a job on hand.

Amma: you and your silly thoughts!!!!

I went on to celebrate the occasion of not getting promoted by munching on my favorite chocolate. Finally, something good has happened in this New Year!!!!

Extravagant weddings

While reading the newspaper yesterday, I came across this section about how weddings are planned differently these days. The column describes about many people are moving towards hand crafted and unique wedding cards that tell the story about the couple, themed weddings, expensive wedding trousseau, pre wedding photo shoots etc.. etc....Oh, did I forget the food menu and the wedding venue!!!

It is quite amusing to read about how people are investing so much time and money in going into all these details and wanting their weddings to be unique. At the end of it, Iam like why are they doing all this. What are they trying to achieve by doing this - show off to people that they can afford to do this, status symbol, peer pressure.

I have seen weddings that have a long guest list, elaborate wedding invitations cards, grand venue with all those expensive decorations, the different ceremonies, expensive clothes and jewelry, elaborate food menu.

In 70s and 80s, the wedding invitation cards were just one page paper in the traditional yellow/pink color. The weddings usually took place in the bride's home and between 9 to 10 am in the morning. The wedding feast was the afternoon lunch and included traditional food items. The whole point of the feast was for the guests to have a hearty lunch and give their blessings to the couple. 

These days, the wedding invitation cards are looked at as a status symbol. They come in different colors, themes, two to three page cards for each ceremony. Some are even custom made to suit the tastes of the couple.

The venue are usually grand venues decorated with flowers and what not... I don't even want to talk about the big guest list, the wedding trousseau and the food menu. The different varieties of food items on the menu for each occasion, the stalls that are put up for candies, pop corns.... Think of the big fat indian wedding. :)

The other thing I feel is silly is the practice of including the bridge and the groom's education qualification, the firm they work in, their designation in the firm. They don't stop there. They also include the education, designation of the parents, siblings and close relatives. And of course the big hoardings that they put up in front of the wedding venue with the bride and the grooms' education qualification added. It is so funny on how obsessed people are with the education qualification.

It seems like one big event to satisfy everyone's ego. All this drama for a very simple reason - a ceremony that brings two individuals together. That is all it is.  

After being to so many such weddings, I am so much determined that mine should never be planned like these. If I get married, I would want a very simple wedding with just a very small crowd in a very small venue (probably a temple or at home). Plan for a simple traditional hearty lunch for the guests. No grand wedding dresses or jewelry. No other ceremonies except the actual wedding. A simple one page wedding card - the traditional yellow/pink paper card.

The beauty of those old traditional weddings can never be found in these new fancy weddings. Am I being cynical here?? Am I someone who does not know how to have fun? Who said you cannot have fun in a simple traditional wedding? In fact the bonding in those weddings were more than what we have in weddings these days. Families came together to cook wedding feasts, to help with the preparations. Weddings were such an intimate affair those days.

One of the best things to come out of this Covid situation was simple weddings. Due to government restrictions, many families chose to have simple weddings with just a very small crowd. I was quite happy to read about it. However, I do know that people will resort back to the old ways when these restrictions are pulled off.

Alas, old habits die hard!!!!

In awe of Dr Shantha

When I read the news that Dr Shantha (who was an oncologist and head of the Adyar Cancer Institute) had passed away, I felt sorry. The Adyar Cancer Institute was a building I would pass by while travelling to office.

While reading the news of her demise, there were a few articles on the internet including her interview. When I read the articles, I was so surprised and was in awe of her.

"She was working till 5 pm a day before", said her sister. Wow.. for someone who was 93 yrs old to work until her last day was such a great feat. Hats off to her dedication, will power, physical and mental fitness.

Excerpts from her interview - "I was a loner in college. I never attended college functions but was very interested in classic English literature and devoured books when had the time. I had very few friends.”

I have heard a few people tell me that socializing is something I need to do. And they think that that is the reason Iam not able to find a life partner. Oh, you don't go out?? What do you do all day sitting at home? Do you have any hobby? How do you spend your time on weekends??

They don't understand that being at home, watching what you like on television, reading novels or books, having a good long sleep is still a nice way to spend time. If I don't socialize, does that mean Iam an introvert.

One can socialize, be surrounded by people and still feel alone. 

Hence, when I read about this great doctor saying that she did not socialize or had very few friends, I couldn't help but feel good about it.

Here was someone who did not do all this and was still a great human being. I have always said that one does not need many friends in their life. Just one close friend whom you can trust and will stay by your side no matter what happens is all that matters.

Well, will people understand all this. One can only hope!!!

What a great lady and what a peaceful death!!!

Say sorry even if it is not your mistake

 A few months back, a client had called me asking help to close a open position in the project. Had shared a few profiles that we had on hand. They evaluated and rejected all of them. Finally, we got them a profile from the market. The client manager was just a coordinator and had to internally get the buy in from two leads who were working in different locations outside India.

So he had to set up two levels of interview for the candidate. This external guy cleared the interview. I got a confirmation asking me to go ahead and get him for the project. While the interviews were on, I got another internal profile who was technically strong.

Me: CMgr (client mgr), I have another good profile who is already on our payroll. Have sent you that profile. Can we evaluate him as well?

CMgr: No, R. We have already evaluated one and he is selected. So let us go ahead with him.

Me: I understand that. But there is always a chance that this external candidate might back out at the last minute. The other problem is it will take almost 2 months to get him in. Whereas this guy is internal and can join immediately. Can we just evaluate him and if he is good, this is the better option of the two.

CMgr: No, R. Let us leave it. We are done here.

I tried to convince the client mgr. But he was just too lazy to go back to his team and schedule another round of interviews.

So we finally rolled out the offer for this external candidate.

After 2 months, on the day of joining, the candidate sent an email saying he is rejecting the offer due to personal reasons. 

When I sent an email to the client manager explaining to him about the unfortunate turn of events, he sends me an email - 

CMgr: Doesn't sound good at all, R. You should have kept someone as back up. Your fault.

After refusing to evaluate an internal guy, he is now telling me it is my fault and I should have had a back up plan.

Why don't people own up their mistakes. Is it too much to say - oh, that is bad!! Wish I had heeded your advice.

Does making you a client mean that you can get away with whatever mistake you do.

I would have liked to send him an email saying - excuse me, you did not listen to me. Rather, I have to send him an email saying - Am so sorry about the situation we are in, blah,, blah...

This is life when you work with clients!!!! 

On the other hand, I have had the opportunity to work with some good client managers who had no issues in owning up their mistakes and apologizing for them. They also were empathetic and ready to understand if there were problems that were beyond our control. I miss all of them!!!

Working from home - pros and cons

 It has been almost 10 months since I started working from home. I did not expect to not go to office for such a long time. This has been a different experience. It was tough initially and I felt so uncomfortable in not going to office. Now, I have got quite used to it and really don't want to go to office in the future :)

Pros on working from home - 

   ✅ Get more time to sleep in the morning. If I have to go to office, I have to get up at least by 6.30 or 7 in the morning. These days, I get up only by 9 to 9.30 unless they set up a meeting during that time. 

  ✅ No more rushing to the pantry at 12.30 pm to get a good seat for having lunch. No more eating food from a tiffin box. Ever since I started working from home, I get to eat lunch leisurely at home on the dining table. 

  ✅ No more riding the bike in the Chennai traffic. I must admit, I do miss driving my bike. Still, the back pain that I had from sitting for a long time during the drive is now gone.

   ✅ Worrying about travel during rainy days is again something that I did not have the last few months. My parents were the people who used to worry when it rained on a week day. They would call me regularly to update on the weather forecast and ask me to leave early (if I had taken the bike to office) or to get a cab and leave office early. For the first time, I was happily working from home and enjoyed watching the rain outside the window.

  ✅  No more carrying the laptop bag. The laptop bag that carried the laptop and it's accessories were always heavy to carry and most of us had shoulder pain in carrying it. Well, I did not have to worry about that these days.

✅ I could go and help my parents in household work since I was at home. In the rare occasions, that I could venture out, I could just take an hour off, come back and finish the work. It was a little easy that way.

✅ Last but not the least, I hated using the office rest rooms since it was used by many people and no matter how much the admin staff cleaned, it never felt clean as my own bathroom at home. That was a relief after working from home.

Cons of working from home - 

⏩No personal connect - I really miss meeting and talking in person to folks at office. If I needed some details or wanted some help, I could just walk in to their cabin and speak in person. If we had any issues, we would just walk in to a meeting room and discuss about it. Now, it is all virtual connects. Phones and laptops are the modes of communication.

⏩Irregular work timings - While working from office, we atleast had some kind of work timings (even if ended up working outside office working hours). Still, people knew that morning was the time everyone traveled to office, lunch time was from 1 to 2 pm, and then everyone went back home after 6 or 7 pm. After I started working from home, any time was a good time to call. There were no specific lunch time or dinner time.

⏩Long hours of work - I actually think I worked more hours the last 10 months than what I would usually do when I had worked from office. The first few months was terrible. 

⏩The network connection at home is not as good and fast as the one at office. That is one of the biggest problem in working from home.

⏩I had some kind of exercise when I worked from office - walking up and down the stairs, walking to the pantry, meeting room. Going on a long walk occasionally. This has all gone after working from home. I have to push myself to walk or exercise every day.

⏩I miss the long walks, going down to the pantry to buy something to munch on - chocolates, samosa, pastries, ice cream. Going out to have lunch with my colleague U when we both will crib about our projects, manager, clients and the company. I miss those occasional team lunches/dinners.

I do miss going to office. Still, have gotten quite comfortable working from home these days.

Well, as they say - change is inevitable. We just have to adjust and go on with life.

How is a two wheeler manufactured?

On New year's eve, while people were partying or having a good night sleep, I was watching how a two wheeler is manufactured in the TVS factory in India. It was a documentary in one of the channels - Discovery or some other similar channel.

The way they work in that assembly line and how they start with the engine and finish the final product including the painting was so good to watch.

The show lasted for 15 to 20 minutes. Although, one part of my brain was telling me that there was nothing great about it. This was expected and this is how they manufacture automobiles. Still, let us just say I was completely in awe with the whole process.

By then it was almost 11.30 in the night and I switched off the TV and happily went to my bed. 

The next day I was talking animatedly about it to my parents and they looked at me as if I had grown horns. What, they asked, don't tell us you don't know how a bike is manufactured. You are talking as if you have never heard of it. 

Well, to each her own!!! That night I wish I was working in an automobile company :)))

The promotion nomination

Two months back, I got a call from my manager.

V: R, I have given your name for the nominations this year. There is a template that I will share it with you. Can you have a look at it and make changes as needed.

Me: What nominations? Are you talking about the promotions

V: Yes

Without even thinking for a sec,

Me: But V, why me? Can't you give someone else's name. I don't want this promotion. Are you trying to kick me out of this company in a few months.

V (laughing): R, only you in the entire company will complain about getting a promotion. Now stop giving all excuses and prepare for the interview. And don't mess up this interview because you don't want it.

Saying this, he ended the phone call.

I was so furious and upset. Anyone who knows me, will know that I don't want this promotion. Iam just not interested and have no qualms in staying in this position or role for the next few years. Am comfortable with my role and responsibilities. 

I was ranting about this to my friends and family. They were all surprised on why I was feeling so bad about it. Getting a promotion is good, no??? That is what everybody wants??

After 17 years of working, the novelty of getting a promotion has worn off. Iam happy and contented with what I have. At the end of the day, all I want is a work life balance. I know my capabilities and limits.

Many would say that it is wrong and you need to strive to do better and go up. Well, this is my life and I have my priorities and am clear on what I want. 

Anyways all this was moot since my manager was not willing to listen to me and take me out of the list.

After a few days, I was asked to join the interview that was set up with the panelists and answer the queries. Thankfully, they changed the process this time. I did not have to talk about why I was suitable for the promotion. I just had to answer a few queries that the panelists asked, which was a blessing coz Iam sure I wouldn't have been able to lie to them.

The results are not yet out and Iam hoping that I don't get through. I know why my manager had to put my name in. Still, I wish he had asked me before doing it. 

So while all nominees are hoping to see their name in the promotion list, Iam hoping my name is not in there 😒 . Fingers crossed!!!!

That unfinished work!!!

My manager has been behind me for weeks to complete one presentation that he had to submit to his seniors. For some reason, I just don't have the mood to do it. It is the most useless work that is not going to benefit anyone in anyway. Don't know who comes up with these ideas. Total waste of time!!!

That document update has been in my To-Do list for the last one month. Every time I open that word document to update, I find something else to do. I move on to other tasks leaving the document open in my laptop.

I was so confident that the senior management group had totally forgotten about this document that they wanted. 

And today I see an email from my manager saying it has to be done by tomorrow since they want to review it. sigh!!! There is no way I can dodge now and get away with not doing it. 

The rasam debate :)))

 I was watching a cookery show yesterday and one of the guest chef was making rasam rice. I mean rasam rice. Seriously guyz, what were you thinking of!!! 

I just couldn't understand why someone would make a rasam rice. The time you take in preparing it, could be used to make rice and rasam separately. no??? 

It seemed that she had run out of ideas for new recipes and was just trying to do something new!!! 

Anyways, while watching this really stupid recipe, I was reminded of a memory of cooking rasam when I was in the California. Those days me and Rm (who was my roommate) used to do the cooking in our flat. That day, Rm decided that she was going to make rasam for dinner. I took the responsibility of making the poriyal. We both started gathering the ingredients for the two dishes. When she picked up the onions, I was surprised. I thought that she had taken it my mistake and pointed it out to her.

She told me that it was for the rasam and started peeling the onion skin.

I was shocked and told her that onions were never used in rasam. I have been eating rasam with rice almost daily since I was a child and I knew clearly that onions were not added in rasam. She argued saying that may be the case, but there was no harm in adding it. I countered that statement saying then it was not rasam but a different version of sambhar.

She was offended and asked me to leave the decision to her. 

We argued for some time and asked the other house mates to tell us who was right. Not wanting to take sides, they cleverly backed out. 

She continued to slice the onions and I was ready to stop her from adding them to the rasam. I don't remember what happened finally but remember that it was one of those days when both of us were so angry with each other. When I remember it now, it feels so funny 😆😊😊😊.

Who would have thought that adding onions to rasam would be the cause for a big argument!!! sigh..

Hospital's marketing gimmick

My maternal grandparents, who are both diabetic, always go to one of the leading diabetic specialist centers in the city for consultation. 

In the last few years, this hospital has expanded and have many branches across the state.

Every time they go in for a consultation, the doctor writes down the date for their next consultation visit in their file. As the hospital grew, they started a new process of calling their patients and reminding them of their next consultation date. This seemed to be a good gesture on the part of the hospital. However, when they they repeatedly call the patients until they agree to fix an appointment, one realizes that they are actually done to get the business running. 

Some patients, like my grandparents think that the doctor is really concerned about their health and hence asks the hospital to make the call on his behalf. They don't understand that the doctor is just a visiting consultant and has nothing to do with these marketing calls.

It irritates us when they do it to patients especially during the covid situation.

Asking elderly diabetic patients to venture out and visit the hospital is risky since they are the people who are more susceptible to the spread of this virus. On the other hand, the hospital was crowded, no great safety precautions despite being a hospital for treating diabetic patients who have low immune system. They check the temperature before entering and spray a few drops of disinfectant on your hand (a practice that even small retail stores do these days). Some of the staff members did not even wear the mask.

Finally, it took us days to convince my grandfather that it was not necessary for him to visit his doctor since he had no health issues and was stable. He grudgingly accepted it. 

I wish hospitals like these are mindful of a patient's age and their illness before making these marketing calls.