Dreams

I have always wondered how and why dreams occur. I have always had dreams when I sleep. 

They are all so different -  happy dreams, bad dreams (that would end up in me sobbing while sleeping), normal or uninteresting dreams, scary dreams.

Some dreams are quite hazy. I don't remember them at all when I am awake. I just know that I had a dream but cannot remember anything of the dream. My brain is completely blank.

Whereas some dreams are vivid. Of course, I don't remember the dream clearly but I know the gist of it. What it was all about.

Some dreams are quite vivid when I have the dream. One part of my brain knows it is just a dream. Still, I go head with it. Iam a part of it although Iam surprised by what I see. I can see very clearly the minute details in the dream - the nature, the background, the texture, color or pattern on the clothes. I can smell, taste clearly in these dreams. They are something Iam very sure (even when Iam dreaming) that I have never seen in my life. And then when I try to memorize them, I forget them as soon as Iam awake. That is quite surprising and I don't know what to make of them. I am seeing places I have never seen in my life or even heard of them. I don't even know if they exist. Same with people. Some of the people that I see in the dream are people I have never seen or known in my real life.

It makes me wonder if there is a parallel universe where these incidents happen and then are just being sent to me through dreams!!! 😊

And then there are some dreams that are recurring - always have a dream of the presence of a spirit (that is faceless and cannot be seen) in the house we had previously resided in. I just don't know why this dream is recurring. In fact after a year we had moved out of the old house, I did go to the shambles of what was our old house just to make sure that there was nothing in there. Still, that dream always comes back to me for no reason. I don't see anything in the dream but only feel the presence of a spirit and many incidents related to that. Similarly I have dreams of something similar in our first floor apartment where we are currently residing. We don't use that apartment in the night. I just work there in the day time.

I know there is a lot of extensive research that has gone into the dreams. Still, I am sure that is again one of the fields that is still unknown to humans. Oh yes, they say that dreams are just an extension of your memories, your thoughts and your yearnings. Still, how they manifest is quite interesting. 

Not promoted :))))

Last week, the managers were sending congratulatory notes to folks who got promoted. I was happy for everyone who got promoted and even more happy that I did not get through the nomination.

All of a sudden, my mom asked me the question. I don't know how my mom does it but sometimes it feels that she has a premonition in matters concerning me. It happens every time I do something wrong like spilling something, not doing some work. She finds it right away.

Anyways back to the conversation. 

Amma: R, what happened to your promotion? Any news about it

Me (grinning): I think I did not make it this year

Amma: why? did they tell you the reason. 

Me: No idea and Iam glad about it

Amma: how can someone be happy in not getting promoted. I will be proud of you if you went on to become an Associate Director

Me: Amma, tell me some thing. Would you want your daughter to have a promotion and then asked to quit or have a job on hand.

Amma: you and your silly thoughts!!!!

I went on to celebrate the occasion of not getting promoted by munching on my favorite chocolate. Finally, something good has happened in this New Year!!!!

Extravagant weddings

While reading the newspaper yesterday, I came across this section about how weddings are planned differently these days. The column describes about many people are moving towards hand crafted and unique wedding cards that tell the story about the couple, themed weddings, expensive wedding trousseau, pre wedding photo shoots etc.. etc....Oh, did I forget the food menu and the wedding venue!!!

It is quite amusing to read about how people are investing so much time and money in going into all these details and wanting their weddings to be unique. At the end of it, Iam like why are they doing all this. What are they trying to achieve by doing this - show off to people that they can afford to do this, status symbol, peer pressure.

I have seen weddings that have a long guest list, elaborate wedding invitations cards, grand venue with all those expensive decorations, the different ceremonies, expensive clothes and jewelry, elaborate food menu.

In 70s and 80s, the wedding invitation cards were just one page paper in the traditional yellow/pink color. The weddings usually took place in the bride's home and between 9 to 10 am in the morning. The wedding feast was the afternoon lunch and included traditional food items. The whole point of the feast was for the guests to have a hearty lunch and give their blessings to the couple. 

These days, the wedding invitation cards are looked at as a status symbol. They come in different colors, themes, two to three page cards for each ceremony. Some are even custom made to suit the tastes of the couple.

The venue are usually grand venues decorated with flowers and what not... I don't even want to talk about the big guest list, the wedding trousseau and the food menu. The different varieties of food items on the menu for each occasion, the stalls that are put up for candies, pop corns.... Think of the big fat indian wedding. :)

The other thing I feel is silly is the practice of including the bridge and the groom's education qualification, the firm they work in, their designation in the firm. They don't stop there. They also include the education, designation of the parents, siblings and close relatives. And of course the big hoardings that they put up in front of the wedding venue with the bride and the grooms' education qualification added. It is so funny on how obsessed people are with the education qualification.

It seems like one big event to satisfy everyone's ego. All this drama for a very simple reason - a ceremony that brings two individuals together. That is all it is.  

After being to so many such weddings, I am so much determined that mine should never be planned like these. If I get married, I would want a very simple wedding with just a very small crowd in a very small venue (probably a temple or at home). Plan for a simple traditional hearty lunch for the guests. No grand wedding dresses or jewelry. No other ceremonies except the actual wedding. A simple one page wedding card - the traditional yellow/pink paper card.

The beauty of those old traditional weddings can never be found in these new fancy weddings. Am I being cynical here?? Am I someone who does not know how to have fun? Who said you cannot have fun in a simple traditional wedding? In fact the bonding in those weddings were more than what we have in weddings these days. Families came together to cook wedding feasts, to help with the preparations. Weddings were such an intimate affair those days.

One of the best things to come out of this Covid situation was simple weddings. Due to government restrictions, many families chose to have simple weddings with just a very small crowd. I was quite happy to read about it. However, I do know that people will resort back to the old ways when these restrictions are pulled off.

Alas, old habits die hard!!!!

In awe of Dr Shantha

When I read the news that Dr Shantha (who was an oncologist and head of the Adyar Cancer Institute) had passed away, I felt sorry. The Adyar Cancer Institute was a building I would pass by while travelling to office.

While reading the news of her demise, there were a few articles on the internet including her interview. When I read the articles, I was so surprised and was in awe of her.

"She was working till 5 pm a day before", said her sister. Wow.. for someone who was 93 yrs old to work until her last day was such a great feat. Hats off to her dedication, will power, physical and mental fitness.

Excerpts from her interview - "I was a loner in college. I never attended college functions but was very interested in classic English literature and devoured books when had the time. I had very few friends.”

I have heard a few people tell me that socializing is something I need to do. And they think that that is the reason Iam not able to find a life partner. Oh, you don't go out?? What do you do all day sitting at home? Do you have any hobby? How do you spend your time on weekends??

They don't understand that being at home, watching what you like on television, reading novels or books, having a good long sleep is still a nice way to spend time. If I don't socialize, does that mean Iam an introvert.

One can socialize, be surrounded by people and still feel alone. 

Hence, when I read about this great doctor saying that she did not socialize or had very few friends, I couldn't help but feel good about it.

Here was someone who did not do all this and was still a great human being. I have always said that one does not need many friends in their life. Just one close friend whom you can trust and will stay by your side no matter what happens is all that matters.

Well, will people understand all this. One can only hope!!!

What a great lady and what a peaceful death!!!

Say sorry even if it is not your mistake

 A few months back, a client had called me asking help to close a open position in the project. Had shared a few profiles that we had on hand. They evaluated and rejected all of them. Finally, we got them a profile from the market. The client manager was just a coordinator and had to internally get the buy in from two leads who were working in different locations outside India.

So he had to set up two levels of interview for the candidate. This external guy cleared the interview. I got a confirmation asking me to go ahead and get him for the project. While the interviews were on, I got another internal profile who was technically strong.

Me: CMgr (client mgr), I have another good profile who is already on our payroll. Have sent you that profile. Can we evaluate him as well?

CMgr: No, R. We have already evaluated one and he is selected. So let us go ahead with him.

Me: I understand that. But there is always a chance that this external candidate might back out at the last minute. The other problem is it will take almost 2 months to get him in. Whereas this guy is internal and can join immediately. Can we just evaluate him and if he is good, this is the better option of the two.

CMgr: No, R. Let us leave it. We are done here.

I tried to convince the client mgr. But he was just too lazy to go back to his team and schedule another round of interviews.

So we finally rolled out the offer for this external candidate.

After 2 months, on the day of joining, the candidate sent an email saying he is rejecting the offer due to personal reasons. 

When I sent an email to the client manager explaining to him about the unfortunate turn of events, he sends me an email - 

CMgr: Doesn't sound good at all, R. You should have kept someone as back up. Your fault.

After refusing to evaluate an internal guy, he is now telling me it is my fault and I should have had a back up plan.

Why don't people own up their mistakes. Is it too much to say - oh, that is bad!! Wish I had heeded your advice.

Does making you a client mean that you can get away with whatever mistake you do.

I would have liked to send him an email saying - excuse me, you did not listen to me. Rather, I have to send him an email saying - Am so sorry about the situation we are in, blah,, blah...

This is life when you work with clients!!!! 

On the other hand, I have had the opportunity to work with some good client managers who had no issues in owning up their mistakes and apologizing for them. They also were empathetic and ready to understand if there were problems that were beyond our control. I miss all of them!!!

Working from home - pros and cons

 It has been almost 10 months since I started working from home. I did not expect to not go to office for such a long time. This has been a different experience. It was tough initially and I felt so uncomfortable in not going to office. Now, I have got quite used to it and really don't want to go to office in the future :)

Pros on working from home - 

   ✅ Get more time to sleep in the morning. If I have to go to office, I have to get up at least by 6.30 or 7 in the morning. These days, I get up only by 9 to 9.30 unless they set up a meeting during that time. 

  ✅ No more rushing to the pantry at 12.30 pm to get a good seat for having lunch. No more eating food from a tiffin box. Ever since I started working from home, I get to eat lunch leisurely at home on the dining table. 

  ✅ No more riding the bike in the Chennai traffic. I must admit, I do miss driving my bike. Still, the back pain that I had from sitting for a long time during the drive is now gone.

   ✅ Worrying about travel during rainy days is again something that I did not have the last few months. My parents were the people who used to worry when it rained on a week day. They would call me regularly to update on the weather forecast and ask me to leave early (if I had taken the bike to office) or to get a cab and leave office early. For the first time, I was happily working from home and enjoyed watching the rain outside the window.

  ✅  No more carrying the laptop bag. The laptop bag that carried the laptop and it's accessories were always heavy to carry and most of us had shoulder pain in carrying it. Well, I did not have to worry about that these days.

✅ I could go and help my parents in household work since I was at home. In the rare occasions, that I could venture out, I could just take an hour off, come back and finish the work. It was a little easy that way.

✅ Last but not the least, I hated using the office rest rooms since it was used by many people and no matter how much the admin staff cleaned, it never felt clean as my own bathroom at home. That was a relief after working from home.

Cons of working from home - 

⏩No personal connect - I really miss meeting and talking in person to folks at office. If I needed some details or wanted some help, I could just walk in to their cabin and speak in person. If we had any issues, we would just walk in to a meeting room and discuss about it. Now, it is all virtual connects. Phones and laptops are the modes of communication.

⏩Irregular work timings - While working from office, we atleast had some kind of work timings (even if ended up working outside office working hours). Still, people knew that morning was the time everyone traveled to office, lunch time was from 1 to 2 pm, and then everyone went back home after 6 or 7 pm. After I started working from home, any time was a good time to call. There were no specific lunch time or dinner time.

⏩Long hours of work - I actually think I worked more hours the last 10 months than what I would usually do when I had worked from office. The first few months was terrible. 

⏩The network connection at home is not as good and fast as the one at office. That is one of the biggest problem in working from home.

⏩I had some kind of exercise when I worked from office - walking up and down the stairs, walking to the pantry, meeting room. Going on a long walk occasionally. This has all gone after working from home. I have to push myself to walk or exercise every day.

⏩I miss the long walks, going down to the pantry to buy something to munch on - chocolates, samosa, pastries, ice cream. Going out to have lunch with my colleague U when we both will crib about our projects, manager, clients and the company. I miss those occasional team lunches/dinners.

I do miss going to office. Still, have gotten quite comfortable working from home these days.

Well, as they say - change is inevitable. We just have to adjust and go on with life.

How is a two wheeler manufactured?

On New year's eve, while people were partying or having a good night sleep, I was watching how a two wheeler is manufactured in the TVS factory in India. It was a documentary in one of the channels - Discovery or some other similar channel.

The way they work in that assembly line and how they start with the engine and finish the final product including the painting was so good to watch.

The show lasted for 15 to 20 minutes. Although, one part of my brain was telling me that there was nothing great about it. This was expected and this is how they manufacture automobiles. Still, let us just say I was completely in awe with the whole process.

By then it was almost 11.30 in the night and I switched off the TV and happily went to my bed. 

The next day I was talking animatedly about it to my parents and they looked at me as if I had grown horns. What, they asked, don't tell us you don't know how a bike is manufactured. You are talking as if you have never heard of it. 

Well, to each her own!!! That night I wish I was working in an automobile company :)))

The promotion nomination

Two months back, I got a call from my manager.

V: R, I have given your name for the nominations this year. There is a template that I will share it with you. Can you have a look at it and make changes as needed.

Me: What nominations? Are you talking about the promotions

V: Yes

Without even thinking for a sec,

Me: But V, why me? Can't you give someone else's name. I don't want this promotion. Are you trying to kick me out of this company in a few months.

V (laughing): R, only you in the entire company will complain about getting a promotion. Now stop giving all excuses and prepare for the interview. And don't mess up this interview because you don't want it.

Saying this, he ended the phone call.

I was so furious and upset. Anyone who knows me, will know that I don't want this promotion. Iam just not interested and have no qualms in staying in this position or role for the next few years. Am comfortable with my role and responsibilities. 

I was ranting about this to my friends and family. They were all surprised on why I was feeling so bad about it. Getting a promotion is good, no??? That is what everybody wants??

After 17 years of working, the novelty of getting a promotion has worn off. Iam happy and contented with what I have. At the end of the day, all I want is a work life balance. I know my capabilities and limits.

Many would say that it is wrong and you need to strive to do better and go up. Well, this is my life and I have my priorities and am clear on what I want. 

Anyways all this was moot since my manager was not willing to listen to me and take me out of the list.

After a few days, I was asked to join the interview that was set up with the panelists and answer the queries. Thankfully, they changed the process this time. I did not have to talk about why I was suitable for the promotion. I just had to answer a few queries that the panelists asked, which was a blessing coz Iam sure I wouldn't have been able to lie to them.

The results are not yet out and Iam hoping that I don't get through. I know why my manager had to put my name in. Still, I wish he had asked me before doing it. 

So while all nominees are hoping to see their name in the promotion list, Iam hoping my name is not in there 😒 . Fingers crossed!!!!

That unfinished work!!!

My manager has been behind me for weeks to complete one presentation that he had to submit to his seniors. For some reason, I just don't have the mood to do it. It is the most useless work that is not going to benefit anyone in anyway. Don't know who comes up with these ideas. Total waste of time!!!

That document update has been in my To-Do list for the last one month. Every time I open that word document to update, I find something else to do. I move on to other tasks leaving the document open in my laptop.

I was so confident that the senior management group had totally forgotten about this document that they wanted. 

And today I see an email from my manager saying it has to be done by tomorrow since they want to review it. sigh!!! There is no way I can dodge now and get away with not doing it. 

The rasam debate :)))

 I was watching a cookery show yesterday and one of the guest chef was making rasam rice. I mean rasam rice. Seriously guyz, what were you thinking of!!! 

I just couldn't understand why someone would make a rasam rice. The time you take in preparing it, could be used to make rice and rasam separately. no??? 

It seemed that she had run out of ideas for new recipes and was just trying to do something new!!! 

Anyways, while watching this really stupid recipe, I was reminded of a memory of cooking rasam when I was in the California. Those days me and Rm (who was my roommate) used to do the cooking in our flat. That day, Rm decided that she was going to make rasam for dinner. I took the responsibility of making the poriyal. We both started gathering the ingredients for the two dishes. When she picked up the onions, I was surprised. I thought that she had taken it my mistake and pointed it out to her.

She told me that it was for the rasam and started peeling the onion skin.

I was shocked and told her that onions were never used in rasam. I have been eating rasam with rice almost daily since I was a child and I knew clearly that onions were not added in rasam. She argued saying that may be the case, but there was no harm in adding it. I countered that statement saying then it was not rasam but a different version of sambhar.

She was offended and asked me to leave the decision to her. 

We argued for some time and asked the other house mates to tell us who was right. Not wanting to take sides, they cleverly backed out. 

She continued to slice the onions and I was ready to stop her from adding them to the rasam. I don't remember what happened finally but remember that it was one of those days when both of us were so angry with each other. When I remember it now, it feels so funny 😆😊😊😊.

Who would have thought that adding onions to rasam would be the cause for a big argument!!! sigh..

Hospital's marketing gimmick

My maternal grandparents, who are both diabetic, always go to one of the leading diabetic specialist centers in the city for consultation. 

In the last few years, this hospital has expanded and have many branches across the state.

Every time they go in for a consultation, the doctor writes down the date for their next consultation visit in their file. As the hospital grew, they started a new process of calling their patients and reminding them of their next consultation date. This seemed to be a good gesture on the part of the hospital. However, when they they repeatedly call the patients until they agree to fix an appointment, one realizes that they are actually done to get the business running. 

Some patients, like my grandparents think that the doctor is really concerned about their health and hence asks the hospital to make the call on his behalf. They don't understand that the doctor is just a visiting consultant and has nothing to do with these marketing calls.

It irritates us when they do it to patients especially during the covid situation.

Asking elderly diabetic patients to venture out and visit the hospital is risky since they are the people who are more susceptible to the spread of this virus. On the other hand, the hospital was crowded, no great safety precautions despite being a hospital for treating diabetic patients who have low immune system. They check the temperature before entering and spray a few drops of disinfectant on your hand (a practice that even small retail stores do these days). Some of the staff members did not even wear the mask.

Finally, it took us days to convince my grandfather that it was not necessary for him to visit his doctor since he had no health issues and was stable. He grudgingly accepted it. 

I wish hospitals like these are mindful of a patient's age and their illness before making these marketing calls.