As a child, i have always loved reading. the love for reading did not change even when i grew up. i loved to read non technical books - novels, magazines, short stories.. i loved novels that had happy endings.
Few years back, i was reading a fiction and that was the first time I had heard of this word - wallflower. I had never heard this word before and wondered what kind of flower this was. i searched online for the meaning and then found what it meant.. but never did i think that that was what i would be after a few years.
A wallflower is someone who is off the shelf for marriage prospects. in the novels, they don't usually mean men. quite surprising isn't it!! when a woman is past her marriageable age and has no proposals at hand, she is considered a wallflower. this could be because of many reasons - no money, is intelligent, rejected proposals..... the list is endless. i didn't understand the pain when i read those novels. but today at the age of 33, i understand what it means. atleast the wallflowers in the novels meet their heroes somewhere in the novels, fall in love and marry them. but that is harder in real life. especially when you are an indian - south indian wall flower.
Arranged marraiges in India work differently. You don't have ballrooms, dinner parties that you read in novels. The parents and family members act as guards, you will need to be selected by them to even reach the prospective grooms. Letz call them PGs. And these parents, uncles, aunts, sisters, brothers.... have their own likes/dislikes and are very choosy. That made me wonder - it is easier to pass a competitive exam than being selected by these people.
How this works - a first level screening is done - girl should be of same caste, creed, sect. Horoscopes must match, should be educated, must be fair, good looking, should be slim, height less than the PG, atleast one parent should be educated, should have the same wealth as the PG's family.
Profiles that match this condition are further filtered based on additional criteria - some people want non-working girls(they want her to be at home and take care of the family), some want the girls to be working (additional income to the family, but should not work late. she should be back home before the boy), the family should have an own house, the girl must know to cook, must be modern but traditional (that was a little confusing to me).
After the intial screening, they would then go to see the girl. They would probably have a few in hand and go and see all those girls who match their criteria. And then choose the best- some PGs are independent, they make decisions on their own. I had just met one such guy who was able to make his own decision - say no on his own. but some other PGs were dependent on their parents and extended families. they had no likes/dislikes.
And now coming back to my story - I had this illusion that when people where educated and worked in firms, they became more broad minded and had rationale thinking. But then I understood that that was not the real scenario. Inspite of being educated, people where narrowminded, selfish, they did not even think twice that they were hurting other's emotions. They just did not understand life and the beauty of it.
After so many years of going through this pain, I no longer dream. The harshness of life has taught me many lessons. But I still wish I could jump into those novels and transform into that heroine who finally fell in love and was married to the right man.
