Family pictures on banners and posters in public space

Until a few years back, there were just three categorizes of posters/banners that were put up on the roads -
🔸Political banners and posters - political party symbols or pictures of party leaders
🔸Film banners - posters of films, film actors
🔸Advertisements - advertisements of business firms, advertisements for upcoming events like circus, fairs, shows.

These days, people have started to congratulate or to wish someone they know in public spaces.

Yesterday, while I was driving to the office, I noticed a banner put up on one of the roads that I usually take. It was a banner for an upcoming wedding. It had a photo of the bride groom and the bride with wishes from a group of friends. It was put up on the road (probably near to the area where one of them lived).

This kind of public display of important personal family events has been on the rise in the last few years. I have seen banners and posters put up by people to commemorate birthdays, weddings, child birth, death anniversaries.

It is quite ridiculous. Why would someone want to share something that is personal in public spaces. Do people really feel happy and on top of the world when they see their own picture on public display?? Jeez!! That is so awkward!

My guess is that someone started this trend and then everyone followed because they thought this was cool, they did not want to lose their prestige and wanted to show that they had the money to do it. And that is how the cycle goes on and on.

Monopoly board game - memories

When I was searching one of the popular online shopping site for something that I had wanted to buy, it showed up a few indoor board games for children in the home page.

I found "Monopoly" board game as one of the items that showed in the list. It seemed similar to the game we used to play as kids - Business.  A little more research and I found that Business (the game we played when we were kids) and Monopoly were quite similar.

I remembered an incident that happened when we were playing this game. Me and A (who was like a little brother to me) were two of the players. The rest were made up of the elders in the family (who were usually free at that time). Me and A played the game very differently.

I was always cautious in buying a house or any other property and getting a bank loan. I did not like to spend more than what I had. I saved the game money and never took risks. On the other hand, A used to take risks. He never bothered if he had no money left or had to take huge loans from others or the bank. He just bought properties left and right.

R uncle who was A's father remarked one day after watching both of us play. He told us that A was just like him and I was just like my dad (who was uncle R's friend). I did not understand what he was saying at that time.

Today, when I reflect back on what happened, I realize that he was right in his observation. I work for a firm now and just like my dad never take any financial risks. I like to save all the money I make for my future. Whereas A is a successful business man.

It seems that the way we both played that game reflected our real life personalities. 

Eternal love between Shiva and Sati/Daksha

Of all the love stories I have read or heard so far, there is only one that has stood out - the eternal love between Shiva and Sati.

This one intrigues me because this is between two completely different personalities, who come from different backgrounds, lifestyles.

Iam not even getting into religion or the fact that they are supposed to be god/goddess in the Hindu mythology. Iam just looking at them as two individuals.

Sati was a princess, she was born and brought up in a royal household that had all the luxuries in life. On the other hand, Shiva led a life of an ascetic. His abode was the Mount Kailash which was an extremely cold and rugged place. He was also presumed to live in the graveyards.

Sati was fair and beautiful. She was a princess and dressed like one. She probably wore beautiful dresses and adorned ornaments made of precious metals and stones. Shiva is always seen wearing a tiger skin and adorning a snake around his neck. His whole body is smeared in ashes, his hair matted. Rudraksha beads are the only ornaments he wears on his body.

In spite of these differences, Sati fell in love with Shiva and grew up to be his ardent devotee. She put herself through several trials, tribulations and spent many years in meditation to please him. Shiva was pleased with her devotion and love. He fell madly in love with her and married her.

Her father, Dakshak was against the marriage since Shiva was not the husband he wanted for his daughter. He lived a yogi's life and was not a suitable match for her. They still went ahead and got married.

The tale does not end there. Sati could not tolerate the insult meted out to her husband and ended her life since she could not take it anymore. And Shiva flew into a rage when he heard of her death. It is said that he destroyed everything and everyone there. He was grief stricken and carried her body on his shoulder until Vishnu cut her body into many pieces.





A definite tale of rebellious, intense and passionate love between two contrasting personalities.

Trust – the powerful word

Trust is the foundation for any relationship, be it personal or professional. It is necessary for a relationship to survive and last longer.

Trust is the necessary glue for a successful marriage. It is the tie that binds two individuals in a relationship. Suspicions, misunderstandings and arguments surface when the level of trust comes down.

Likewise, trust in friendship is not just important, it is essential. When you are ready to share your happiness, grief, fear, secrets with another person who is not related to you, trust plays a major role.

I remember this quote – When you completely trust a person without any doubt, you will automatically receive one of the two things – a friend for life or a lesson for life. True, indeed.

This holds true in a professional relationship as well – you need to trust your colleagues, your team, and your manager. The client needs to trust your firm and your team in doing business. If your client loses trust on you – everything you do will be looked upon suspicion. They will ask for data, metrics as a proof of anything you say. Any problem you cause will be escalated immediately.

Trust and loyalty play an important part in the defense or armed forces. Just imagine what would happen if a soldier in an army does not trust his or her colleagues.

Building trust is not that easy. It is a slow process, takes a great deal of time and effort to get there. As one starts slowing trusting another person, they will confide and believe what the other person says. They would count on that person for being there for them. Which is good as well as bad depending on the character of that person.

Having said that, it just takes a few minutes or seconds to break a trust. When that happens, the whole relationship crumbles. The other person would always doubt one's intentions and be suspicious of all activities. Rebuilding that trust needs more commitment, honesty, patience and time.

Groceries for the dead person or for the priest??

A week after my uncle's death, my dad was asked to perform the last rituals for him. The priest my cousins had arranged did not turn up on the D day. After many failed attempts in trying to reach him, my brother in law was able to get hold of another priest from a nearby temple. He came in with his helper and finished the ceremony in record time skipping most of the rituals.

No one complained since he was called in a hurry and did what best he could do in a short span of time.  

Since we had skipped some of the main rituals, we decided we would have to do a second one for my uncle at our home after a few days. My parents had immediately reached out to someone who could help with this. He provided the contact number of the priest who usually performed the ceremony. After consenting to perform the rituals, he came in to our place to share the list of items he needed for the ceremony. That is when the fun started. 

The items that was actually needed for the ceremony was a very small list (that was not that expensive as well).

On the other hand, the list he had made of items that had to be given to him as dhanam (offering) was a long one (around 45+ items) - 

• Around 11 vegetables (he crossed snake gourd from the list saying his wife does not usually cook them), 3 varieties of greens
• The usual varieties of fruits
• One veshti and mundu (he was specific of the brand, the length, the color and the design)
• One towel (again he was specific about the brand name)
• Ghee, butter, milk, honey
• Spices (atleast 4-5 varieties)
• Masala powders (sambhar, rasam, masala...)  
• Rice (5Kgs), different types of pulses (1Kg each), chillies, tamarind, salt (1Kg)
• Flour (wheat and rice)

He was very particular about the brands for each item except the vegetables and fruits😄

A whole two month grocery items, vegetables, fruits for his house.

I wondered why he did not include - soap, brush, toothpaste, washing powders, shampoo and other essentials to the list. That would have completed his shopping for the month.

It was so ridiculous that someone would ask these things with no inhibitions. If he does one ceremony per month, his groceries for that month would be taken care of. What was more surprising was that he insisted on not just the items but the brand names for almost all of them. And they were all top brands!!!

Guess what was the big question here - he does not give a receipt or bill for the money he takes for these rituals. In fact, none of them do so. 

No priest gives receipts or bills for the puja they do at anyone's house or for the ceremonies they conduct. 

Err, is this not income. Shouldn't they be paying income tax for this?? Most of them have a lot of money.

What happened finally - before my parents went out to purchase all the items in the list, my cousin called to say that they wanted to perform the rites in Kasi. We had to call him and cancel the whole thing.

Breakfast without mom at home

Before leaving to her parent's place yesterday, my mom was giving me and my dad last minute instructions on a few things - what clothes she has packed for us to bring, what rice batter could be used for cooking dosa and what could be used for cooking idly to name a few. She was excited and happy that she would be staying with her parents for a full week.

I had got up a little early to prepare the breakfast and pack lunch since she was not at home. She had already made two curries and had put them in the fridge.

I had made dosa for myself this morning and was planning to sit down to have my breakfast when I forgot about the curries. I quickly took the podi jar and the oil. That is when I noticed that there was not much oil in there to use. I decided to call my mom.

Me: Amma, for the molaga podi (idly podi), what oil should I take. The oil in the container is very less.

My mom told me where is it.

Me: Wait. Don't hang up on the phone. Let me go and check it.
** I was able to locate the jar with the instructions she had given.
Me: Ok, I got it.

My mom: By the way, why are you taking the podi. I had made the curry for today and have kept it in the fridge right.

Me: Oh, is it. Ok.

My mom: Why is it that you and your dad never pay attention to what I tell you. 

I quickly said good bye to her and cut the line before she could finish her ramblings.

I sat down to have my breakfast when I noticed my dad took a seat in the sofa and was about to pick up the newspaper.

Me: Appa, make two dosas for you. There is some rice as well. Do you need anything else?

My dad:  Ok. No, that is fine. Now you eat and leave. It is already 9 am.

Me: Fine. Do you want me to make dosa for you.

My dad: R, I have had experience in making dosa even before you were born in this world. I know how to make. You eat your breakfast and leave.

Me: Just remember one thing. Amma has told me to put oil on the batter and not on the sides. If you burn the pan, I will point the finger at you. You will then have to face her wrath.

My dad (exasperated): I know everything about pan and oil and dosa.

Knowing that I would not leave him in peace, he went to the kitchen to make his own breakfast. He poured the batter on the pan and was putting the oil when I peeped in the kitchen out of curiosity.

Me: Appa, that is too much oil. I would have used that oil for making 2 dosas.

My dad: R, I know how much to put. You go and have your breakfast.

Me: Let me cook them for you. Give it to me pa. Otherwise you will burn the pan and get nicely from amma.

My dad was so angry with me and decided that giving it to me was better than standing there and hearing me talking. 

I finally made the dosas for him and then sat down peacefully to eat my own. I guess I do have my mother's genes after all 😊😉😆

Filing tax returns and advance taxes

The filing of returns for my income tax is done for this financial year and we received a message acknowledging that from the income tax department.

I have never really understood finance terms. Sometimes I search on the internet to really understand if debit means taking money out or putting money into one's account. Yeah, that is how bad I am. I had one paper on commerce/financials in my under graduation. I had sat through the classes without really understanding the concepts. They just flew off my head. Before the exams, I marched off to my friend S's place to get her help. She was doing her commerce graduation and I hoped she would help me to pass that paper. I ended up studying very little that day. The time was spent in catching up on what was happening in our life and having those delicious fish cutlets her mom had made ??.I did pass that paper that semester.

Cutting back to the present - every year a month before the returns have to be filed, my dad keeps reminding me to let him know when I receive the Form16. I start looking out for that email from the finance team with the Forms16 subject. When I get it, I download and take a print out and give it to my dad. We then connect with my auditor to get the returns filed.

What I did not understand was why is this such a complicated affair. Why can't they have a system where if a person feeds the income, savings and all details, it just computes and tells what the tax amount is. Bingo!!! All the individual has to do is take a copy and pay the tax. It should be that simple for people with just one income or who are salaried employees. The income tax department will then need to validate the savings and income that was submitted.

On the other hand, the system is really complicated. Almost everyone needs an auditor to help them in filing their tax returns.

The other part I did not understand was the concept of advance taxes. As a layman, all I understand is if I am able to predict what might be my earnings for that financial year, then I can pay an advance tax. Great concept.

Why the hell do we have penalties for not paying something in advance. I mean what if I have a sudden cash flow that I did not anticipate. Why should I be penalized for not paying the tax for that in advance? What kind of logic is that.

And shouldn't advance tax be just an option and not made mandatory. In fact, people paying advance tax should be given brownie points because they are paying well in advance.

Phew, I can never understand why some of these policies have been formulated. It should be simple for an ordinary citizen.

Friendship between Krishna and Sudama

I had wanted to write about the friendship between Krishna and Sudama for a very long time. Today seemed to be the right day to do so.

The friendship between Krishna and Sudama is widely known to everyone. Here is the short version - They were childhood friends who lost in touch after their education. Krishna went on to be the prince of the Mathura kingdom while Sudama was an impoverished villager. When Sudama was pushed towards extreme poverty, his wife prods him to meet his friend and ask for help. With great trepidation, Sudama visits Krishna but does not tell him the reason. Krishna understands his friend's situation and gifts him with money and wealth.

Krishna is praised for his generosity and the respect, love he had for his friend in spite of their social differences. This is what all stories talk about. I am not going to debate on whether Krishna was truly god's incarnation or if this story was really true. This post is not about that.

From Krishna's view, he had never forgotten his childhood friend and helped him when he was in need.

What about Sudama? The epic describes the meeting - Sudama feels uncomfortable and actually leaves after exchanging pleasantries, never asking for help. When he realizes the amount of wealth Krishna has, he even tries to hide the rice that his wife had packed to present to his friend.. How awkward he must have felt in front of his friend and how much of self esteem and respect he must have had in not asking his friend for help in spite of his grave situation.

Sudama would forever be in gratitude of Krishna. No questions about that. But was their equality in that friendship? How would he have felt while living in the wealth that was gifted to him by his friend.

Real and true friendship can only exist between two individuals who are equal. I might sound like a cynic here. However that is the truth. There cannot be friendship between two individuals when one feels he/she is indebted to the other person, worships the person or feels intimidated by the other person.

That does not mean they should not help each other at all or their cannot be any financial or social inequalities. Of course, there will be differences and inequalities. No two people are alike. There will be times when they would reach out to each other for help. The question is to what extent should this be so as to not tip the balance in the relationship.

Would Sudama have had the courage to point out to Krishna whenever he was wrong or made a mistake? Does he even understand Krishna's political views. Can Krishna sit and discuss with Sudama about the Pandavas and Kauravas, political allies, war arrangements. The answer is no. Sudama will always feel indebted to Krishna and would praise him, love him, his whole life. But that is all he can do.

This was very well written in the novel - Parthiban Kanavu (by Kalki). The friendship between a prince and his army general. On the battlefield, away from home they were great friends. When the war ends and they return to their homeland, their responsibilities and life styles are very different. Although they continue to be good friends, they realize that the bond they had in the battlefield had weakened.

When the differences become too big, this is bound to happen. One of them will always want to help the other person while the other person would start feeling inferior to his/her friend. The bond would slowly fade as time flies by.

On the other hand if the differences are not that huge and each one is independent and self reliant, then they would be equal. They would share their ups and downs in life, help each other, argue when they have difference in opinions. There will always be a give and take.

That is real friendship!!!

Chocolates and candies of my childhood

While I was writing the post about Birthdays, I tried to remember the names of the chocolates and candies that I would munch on when I was a kid. I remembered their names (how could I forget them. they are so important). Unfortunately, I did not have pictures of them. Thanks to some of the internet sites that had the pictures of these wrappers, I was able to get them. Memories flood me and I wish I could get a hand on them right now 😊

Some of my favorites - 

** When I was introduced to Snickers, I wondered what was so great about it. I preferred the 5 star and Bar One compared to the Snickers. In fact, although I love chocolates, Snickers was not something I liked.

Toffees -

There was one more that I remember - Relish. Unfortunately, I was not able to pull that photo from the internet.

And then..

 Aside from these, the local Lollipops were another favorite of mine.

I wish I could grab one of these right now 😋😋😋

Birthdays

When you reach the age of 40, birthdays no longer excite you. I remember when I was a young kid, I would be waiting eagerly for my birthday. That was the day I got to wear a new dress to school (if it fell on a weekday) and not the boring school uniform.

There would be a cake cutting at home and one at school. My parents would have already got one or two big chocolates packets to distribute to all the classmates at school, to my rickshaw friends (yeah I used to take the rickshaw to go to school), to relatives and neighbors. The choice of what chocolate packet to buy would be given to me. I used to take time in choosing between a few varieties - mangobite, eclairs, melody,  coffy bite.

After distributing chocolates to all the class mates, I would always have some extra with me that I would save for myself and close friends.

Reaching home, I would first run to my mom to find out what cake was ordered. My mom usually got me two dresses for my birthday - one for school and one for the small get together at home. Aunties Ka and Ks used to help my mom in decorating our living room for the get together. I would be asked to wash and put on the new dress and wait for the party to begin.

The eagerly awaited cake cutting would happen and I would wait patiently for guests to give me their gifts. My dad's friend and a very good family friend, uncle R would take the photos. No matter what happened he would be at our place on my birthday with a gift and a camera on hand. After the party ended, I would start unpacking the gifts. Every gift would delight me.

As I grew old, the tradition of cutting cakes at school stopped. Instead I would treat my close friends at the school's canteen. The menu was the same - samosa/puff (I don't remember what we actually got). I remember waiting to see what cards my friends had got me.

When I went to college, we stopped the cake cutting at home. It was just a new dress, a quick visit to the nearby temple, phone calls from relatives and friends wishing me and then treating my gang of friends for a quick snack. Me and G continued the tradition of sending birthday cards even after moving out of school for a few years. After that we eventually gave up on sending cards. It was just wishes on the phone.

When I got to office, the team would buy a cake for everyone's birthday and then we combined birthday treats to go out for lunch or dinner. When I was at onsite, we were a closed knit group. Everyone's birthday celebrations started at midnight. Mine was no different. At 12 in the midnight, they woke me up for the celebrations - that included cake, gifts and cards. My parents called me from home, friends sent me birthday cards on emails. The new dress tradition was the only thing that I continued.

When I got close to 30, the excitement level came down. I was no longer interested in the birthdays. Birthdays meant the usual greetings email from the HR at office copying my immediate manager who usually wished back. At home it meant wearing a new dress, going to the temple and answering all the phone calls of relatives and friends who wished on the phone. Me and my parents would then go out for lunch or dinner.

As usual my mom prepared a special dish including a sweet on my birthday. She has been religiously doing it all these years. We really don't give gifts to each other on our respective birthdays. The reason is because we get things for each other throughout the year and don't actually wait for the birthdays. My parents would surprise me with a big chocolate every year. I earn well and have the money to buy many chocolates. Still, that little one that I get from them is more valuable than all the expensive chocolates.

My maternal grandparents (especially my grand father) would make it a point to wish me in person on my birthday. My grandparents, my aunts and uncles, cousins, close family friends and friends would call me religiously on every birthday to wish. Many times, close family members who had been in financial crisis and happened to be visit us on my birthday would gift me a very small amount of money. It could be a 10 rupee or a 50 rupee or a 100 rupee. I don't remember the exact amount. It never mattered to me. What mattered was the thought and the heart to give that gift. I used to deny taking that money from them. But they used to insist on that and felt offended when I refused to take it. I had to finally agree and then take their blessings.

After reaching 30, I dreaded birthdays. Birthdays reminded me that I was growing old and one more year added to my spinsterhood. I prayed and wished I was married before my next birthday.

With the advent of technology and social media, these days, birthday wishes come in from friends and colleagues through FB, whatsapp messages. A few close friends and relatives call on the D Date. Birthdays usually meant a quiet lunch or dinner with family.

When you reach 40, reality sinks in. Oh yeah, I have lived for 40 years in this world. And then I wonder if the birthday is a day of celebration for me or for my mother. She was the one who carried me in her womb, who went through all that pain, fear in giving birth to me. It should be a celebration of her achievement - of giving me this life. It should be a celebration of my father's achievement - providing me a safe and good home, giving me an education.

And finally I look back on the ups and downs in my life, the happiness and sorrow that I have gone through. What I have got and had to lose to reach this stage. What has made me this person and how much life has taught me. I have learnt many precious lessons that no educational institutions could have taught me.

I let myself to smile and be glad to have such wonderful parents who actually sacrificed many things in life to give me a better life. I am glad for the grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, relatives, family friends that I have. I am glad that although I don't have many friends, I have been lucky to have the few close friends who will always be there for me. This is my small world, a small place for myself in this big universe. And that is what matters.

Birthday is just another day in my life, a new chapter every year, that tells me that my clock is ticking!!!

Bat in the house

Last night I had to get into an official call with the customer from home. I usually close the door and the windows in the room to make sure that there is no back ground noise when I login to the call. Last night was no different. I had closed the bedroom door and was doing some work that I had.

All of a sudden I heard my mother saying "Vavvazh". I heard her talking to my dad. She then walked into my room, asked me to keep the door closed saying there was a bat in the house. Since I was busy I did not give it much thought and continued to work despite hearing a commotion outside.

After the meeting was done, I went out and that is when my mom started explaining.

Mom: There was a bat in the house. It flew to that other bedroom

Me: Wait. What?? Bat?? Amma, what are you saying?

Mom: Yes. there was a bat and it flew. We were watching the television when I saw something black fly past the living room. When I told your father, he just continued watching the television.

Dad: What can I do. I did not see that. I was watching the television. I thought your mother was blabbering something.

Mom: That is why you should listen to what I say.

** Knowing that I should stop their argument, I intervened

Me: Then what happened? How did a bat fly to our house?

Mom: I don't know from where it came. Since we had kept our main door open, it just flew by to the room and did not know how to get out.

Dad: I was the one who finally got it out :)

Mom: Yes, yes. Your father got it out. It kept flying not knowing where to go.

Me: I still can't believe it. A bat was in our house. The bat that is a bird actually came in. But what we know is that they are only there inside abandoned houses or forests. How did they land up here.

Mom: Yes, i know. No idea. But I was terrified.

I have no clue from where the bat came in to our house but I was surprised. 

Today, when I came back home from office, our main door was closed. We usually leave it open until we go to bed. When asked my mom told me that she did not want to encounter another incident today. This was a precautionary measure :) :)